Monday, July 28, 2008

Single Rage

Have you ever been so infuriated that you wanted to straddle some guys neck just so you could pummel him in the face multiple times?

This weekend I was with my cousin at her boyfriend's house, hanging out at a family BBQ before we went off to see "The Dark Knight". I had met the family before at the Superbowl party. They were warm, welcoming and pretty cool so I had no insecurities about being there. I did notice that the boyfriend's brother paid extra attention to me. I could actually feel him looking at me. It was not a reciprocal feeling on my end.

We were sitting around the table eating when The Brother overhears me telling my cousin about my date the next day.

"You don't have a boyfriend? You're single?"


"Why? You're a nice looking girl."

"Um, I don't know. "

"Even been married before?"


"Really? What's wrong with you?!"


The rage begins with a fire in my chest quickly radiating out to my extremities actually causing my fists to flex. I quickly had to reel it in because I was a guest and I didn't want to embarrass my cousin.

This guy... this F'n GUY, is most likely someone who would give you the shirt off his back to help you. He's probably really sweet once you get to know him. He probably thought it was some sort of back-handed compliment or his perverse method of flirting. But I only met him once and on the surface, he mainly comes off as a jackass.

And really, fuck him! Divorced (I think) father of one who wouldn't be hurt by eating a salad once in a while. His love life isn't one for a Hollywood happy-ever-after story.

I had to coolly respond, "What makes you think that there's some problem with ME that I'm single?"

I think he saw how ferocious I was and the conversation was dropped. He also (wisely) decided to not go to the movies with us as originally planned.

So really? What's up with that question?

I've heard it often enough from distant aunts "you can't wait forever... what are you waiting for?'re not getting any younger..." Each time it gets responded with a gritted smile and giggle but the rage is there. The last time I lost it and said "Well, I've never been married, therefore I've never been divorced and I consider that a pretty good thing," to my divorced aunt. Whatever. Screw her.

I don't necessarily like being single, but I'll take it any day over settling for some ho-hum guy just so I can say that I'm not alone. And I hate having to defend that to family and ass-clowns who think they're trying to be cute.


  1. I have a lot of single friends, and I know that they would like to be with someone, but at the same time, they're not willing to compromise and be with someone that's not going to improve their life. I never dated much for that exact reason. Why spend all that time trying to be happy when I have plenty of other things I could be doing that I know do make me happy?

    I'm glad people are not jumping into marriages without really thinking of it as a lifetime commitment. We have enough divorces. And for me, even when I did find a guy I loved being with, it still took us 7 years to get married (although I don't recommend waiting that long if you really are ready to marry that person).

    So maybe things are changing. But I whole-heartedly support not being with someone just to say you're with someone. It's so not worth it. And those people who give you a hard time about it, well we know what they can do with themselves...

  2. Wow, wow wow. I totally understand why you'd be really angry over that one!

    100% absolutely agree with not settling just to say that you're not alone. I feel the same way.

    Good that you're dating. I need to start doing that but I hate dating so much!

  3. I completely agree! It is important to find someone and get married as soon as humanly possible. If you examine it too closely then you will never do it.

    Get married and be stuck in a loveless married as soon as possible, I've always said!

  4. OMG! i am so surprised you showed the restraint not to kill him... eh fuck'em

  5. Chelc & Viv-
    I had lived with an ex-boyfriend for over a year, and we had even gone ring shopping together -- so I guess you could say I was almost engaged. Imagine my disappointment when we broke up. (Actually, that probably deserves it's own post one day.)

    He wound up marrying the girl he dated after me. I often wondered "why not me?!"

    Less than a year after getting married, they were separated and he moved out. He told me the story of what happened and he was trashing his ex-wife because she made him chose 'her or his band'. The thing is I sided with her. All I could think was Thank God it wasn't me.

    The universe works in mysterious ways.

  6. Why is it that the ex always seems to marry the next person they date? This has happened to me twice already, and who knows? Maybe even more than that with the ones I haven't been able to get info on.

    Good thing you didn't end up married to him. But I can't help cracking up thinking about the wife's ultimatum: It's me or your band! So theatrical!