Friday, July 06, 2007


I came back from Italy in April and never wrote about it. I came back from Mexico last week and haven't written about it.

But last night I had a dream where I was with Matthew McConaughey getting hot and heavy. But when I left to find a condom, I never went back.

What the hell?! I can't even get lucky in my dreams!

In other news, if my ex's wife was more adventurous, he would definitely ask me to join them in a threesome. I was told to take that as a compliment.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

false advertising

Down in the right-hand corner of this blog is a Google advertisement that's supposed to be contextual with what is written on the page. Today the ad showed Gay Bear Chat. WTF?


Cicadas are back. I hate them. They're gross.

Who Farted?

Who Farted?
Originally uploaded by bearclau
It is an incredibly slow work week. I leave for vacation on Friday for a week in Mexico, which means that I don't want to be at work.

I found a way to entertain myself, though. Post-it notes and a camera.

Good times.

Monday, June 18, 2007

i luv u daddie

In more Paris Hilton news, her parents went to visit her in jail on Father's Day.
"[Paris] made a beautiful Father's Day card with pretty pictures," she told reporters. Rick Hilton said that it was a "positive" visit.
I picture the card being made out of dried macaroni, tissue paper and crayons.

now i'm hungry

I leave for vacation on Friday. This week at work already has the makings of going very slowly.

I was surfing around and came upon this site, It is exactly what it says. It's a site full of scanned grocery lists that have been found by the site owner.

I am strangely fixated on looking at the mundane items that people have on their grocery lists. With over 1600 lists posted to this site I think I've found the best way to spend my work week.

Thursday, June 14, 2007


It's better just to do what someone asks (tells) you to do - no matter how dumb it is - rather than question why and provide alternative solutions. The less you care, the happier you'll be.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

burnout, baby

I recently read a CNN article "Do you have job burnout?" I especially like numbers 3 and 4.

Consider these five warning signs of burnout:

Sign No. 1: Your co-workers are walking on eggshells around you.

If you find yourself becoming cranky and irritable with co-workers you used to get along with, it may be more than just typical interpersonal dynamics.

Sign No. 2: You come in late and want to leave earlier.

You used to wake up in the morning excited for another day, but now every day you dread heading into the office. Once lunch passes you start watching the clock, counting the minutes to the end of the day.

Sign No. 3: Apathy has replaced enthusiasm.

You feel no motivation, no sense of accomplishment and have no desire to be challenged. Those who have burnout lose their motivation to perform, as well as their feelings of pride for a job well done.

Sign No. 4: You've lost camaraderie with co-workers.

You're no longer interested in the company network. You used to go to lunch, go out for drinks and participate in other company functions but now have no desire in socializing in or out of the office.

Sign No. 5: You're feeling physically sick.

You always feel exhausted, have headaches, feel tension in all of your muscles and are having trouble sleeping. These physical signs are common indicators of job stress, and demonstrate that this can turn into a physical problem.

And I just thought it was because I was an asshole.

don't ask, don't tell

are. you. kidding. me.

Pentagon Confirms It Sought To Build A 'Gay Bomb'

Things that annoy me

In no particular order, these are things that make me want to scream.
  • People who finish my or other people's sentences.
  • People who make dumb jokes and then expect me to laugh at them.
  • Long-winded back stories to explain the one little thing I need to do. I don't care.
  • Drivers who don't use blinkers.
  • My neighbor who insists on carrying her prissy dog when taking it for a walk.
  • When people pronounce the "t" in the word often. Or the "l" in salmon.
  • When I can't get a knot out of something.
  • Whining kids.
  • This baby's face. It's not cute. I want to crumple it up like a piece of paper and throw it away.
  • People use use speakerphone in cubes next to mine.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Overheard at the cafeteria patio

Two IT geeks sitting next to me eating lunch.

Geek 1: I'm not sheisty enough to be a sales man.

Geek 2: I am! I worked at Circuit City and Best Buy.

My theme song

Your Theme Song is Back in Black by AC/DC

"Back in black, I hit the sack,

I've been too long, I'm glad to be back"

Things sometimes get really crazy for you, and sometimes you have to get away from all the chaos.

But each time you stage your comeback, it's even better than the last!

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

proof that i'm an asshole

I am an asshole. There really is no denying it. I've been complaining about everything at work and now it has expanded to complaining about the way people dress.

There is one person at work who particularly annoys me. We don't have a lot of contact unless I'm doing a small project for her, but she has the most annoying voice and does this "i'm trying to be cute" baby-talk when she asks for something. She does this to coworkers. She does this to clients. It makes me want to vomit.

Today she came into work with mini hair clips holding back her bangs. About six of them went across her scalp attempting to be a headband. She has reddish-blond hair. The clips were bright white. It was horrendous.

This is my IM trade with my friend who sits right next to me. She understands me and my asshole-ness.

me: look at melissa's hair when she comes back. i hate it


J: I noticed her new color and hair cut

me: i like the cut, not the style today. very 12-year old hillary duff wannabe

J: I'll have a look. I did not notice

me: did you see??

J: hilary duff is more fashionable than that

me: it hurts me

J: the clips are a little tacky

me: they may as well have little rainbows or unicorns on them

She then said that I am in desperate need of some happy pills.

Friday, June 01, 2007

LEGO artist

Holy crap! I can't believe the stuff this guy makes out of LEGOs.
Read article.

It’s a wonderful day in the neighborhood

The strangest things can cause me to get such a lump in my throat I think I'm going to start sobbing.

Today I came across "15 Reasons Mister Rogers Was the Best Neighbor Ever."

Number 8 almost did me in.
8. He Could Make a Subway Car full of Strangers Sing
Once while rushing to a New York meeting, there were no cabs available, so Rogers and one of his colleagues hopped on the subway. Esquire reported that the car was filled with people, and they assumed they wouldn’t be noticed. But when the crowd spotted Rogers, they all simultaneously burst into song, chanting “It’s a wonderful day in the neighborhood.” The result made Rogers smile wide.

Thursday, May 24, 2007


If anyone is pondering what to get me for my birthday, this is awesome!
Patricia Walker is an amazing artist. Thanks to Dooce for the link.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Canine infedility

I love Dooce's dog!
I can never get Barry to wear things on his feet or balance things on his head.

Silly dog.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

The good old days

I stumbled upon this article and was reminded of my own battles of having to clean up my room.

CNN - "Girl calls for police help over messy room"
Growing up, my bedroom was on the top floor of a Cape Cod style house. It was a big room, which meant that I had so much extra space to leave things: my clothes, books, tapes, and anything else a 13-year old know-it-all would have.

My mom was always on my case to clean my room, but I never saw the point because no one saw my room. It was upstairs away from any visitors. My mom didn't agree with my opinion.

One one particular sunny Spring day I ignored my mom's threats of 'throwing out my stuff if I didn't clean up my room.' Like what was she really going to do?

I was watching TV in the living room when I looked out the window and saw a pair of pants, a hat, a sock sailing by. I ran outside and saw my mom, with my bedroom window open, throwing everything that was laying on my bedroom floor out the window.

It was pretty humbling picking my underwear out of the azalea bushes.

Happy Birthday to me - Part 2

I was asked what I did for my birthday last night by one of my coworkers. We're casual acquaintances, not really close. But he's the kind of person who says hello to everyone and starts small talk.

I'm not that kind of person.

I find him slightly annoying.

Anyway, being that it was Monday night, and that I'm single, I didn't have anything exciting to day. And I don't know why, but I felt bad about that. Like I should have been flown to Key West buy my handsome, millionaire sugar daddy just to have cocktails on Mallory Square just as the sun sunk below the horizon.

But my life doesn't play like that.

Instead I went and bought myself a great birthday present. A new bike!

I was so excited to get my bike. A little bit of sticker shock because, man if you're not buying at Target or Toys 'R us, those things aren't cheap. I brought it home on my bike rack and immediately started pedaling around the parking lot to get a feel for it. I saw Barry looking longingly out the window, then I decided to take him for a run. I rode, he trotted alongside me.

After he got tired, I left him home and I went off wandering on my new wheels.

I love my new bike.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Happy Birthday to me

It's my birthday today. 34.

Notice that I'm not punctuating it with an exclamation point. As in "It's my birthday today! 34!"

It's feeling like a very Sixteen Candles like day. I feel like the entire world should recognize my special day and it would be something magical. But it's not. It's just a day where I have to go to work and pretend to be busy.

I'm not ungrateful, don't get me wrong. Saturday night I went out with my friends to dinner and a club at the shore. It was a lot of fun and I enjoyed myself. We even made friends with some guys, one of which asked for my number, but I was not interested in him. Whatever.

Then yesterday, even though I was suffering from a cold, I was with my extended family and they all sang me "Happy Birthday" with a cake and candles and everything. But even all that doesn't seem like enough.

Part of me expects to wake up to a perfect day, fresh fruit breakfast, a closet full of brand new clothes, and an entire morning of spa treatments. Then in the afternoon I'd explore inspiring places: art museums, Tuscan landscapes, turquoise beaches, Parisian sidewalk cafes. And in the evening I'd have a moonlight picnic with dancing and cheesecake. And all of this would be with my very own Jake Ryan.

What is it about birthdays that bring me down? I guess that in my head I have my birthday built up to ridiculous proportions. It's the start of summer, a chance for a new beginning, an opportunity to be something more than what I was the year before.

Like I said, I'm not ungrateful. I've accomplished lots: I own my own house, I'm working towards my masters degree, I've traveled and have more trips planned, I have a great and supportive family, I'm healthy and not physically repulsive, I'm smart and don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from. So in the grand scheme of things, I'm pretty well off. There isn't much for me to really complain about.

Yet I do.

I think of the times I've said "I love you." Some I wish I could take back because it was just dumb and naive of me. But there are those special few where I really meant it. And one in particular who could still make my knees week if he was to come back to Jersey.

But I have to believe that I'll say it again -- and mean it. It will be my birthday wish. That and my very own Jake Ryan t-shirt.

Friday, January 12, 2007


I hate being sick. For the past 4 weeks I've been sniffling my nose, coughing up phlegm, and using massive amounts of tissue paper. This is the week that I've acutally gotten congested. I want to drill a hole in between my eyes and let the green slime run out. Ah, the relief of an empty head!

I'm trying to be inconspicous at work. I've been coughing into my sleeve as to not spread (any more) germs and I've been using the Purell stuff consistently. But no matter how hard I try, I just can't be cool when I breathe out my nose and snot bubbles come out.