Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Boyrfriend shopping

Why is it that the freaks find me?

Here is an actual email from someone off of I have editied NOTHING:

I am micheal from kansas , i am a machine electrical engineer i have something in come on,...Honest, caring, loyal, and respectfull., i dont like to hurt someone's feeling and i will not like to be hurted also. i love to make one happy and cool. i think you are nice and good to know more of you maybe someday we can meet and know our self in person , i really need a nice one to spend the rest of my life time and be happy with somene that will be honest and real with me and no game playing . i will be very glad to hear from you.......

i love to meet u ,i love ur photo so much,When I look into your eyes, it seems all the problems in the world go away and I'm floating in mid-air,When I see you, the world stops as if the only purpose in life was for me to please you.I may not get to see you as often as I like. I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night. But deep in my heart I truly know, you're the one that I love, and I can't let you go. really want to meet u, and you really look sweet to me like a river that flows through the windows of a barchelor.


Um, yeah. I'm thinking the prison he's in allows for internet time.

Saturday, March 25, 2006


I don't know if I'm ready or not, but I'm doing this online dating thing again. Or at least I subscribed to I haven't done any actual dating yet.

So many of my coworkers use and from what I hear they have received countless contacts and one person in particular had gone out on a bunch of dates - all in one day. What I can't figure out is: where are all my winks and emails? Not only on, but on eHarmony,, Yahoo personals... why aren't I bombarded by the freaks and weirdos, with the occasional good-looking sweetheart thrown in. I'm not hideous and I think I'm a pretty cool chick. I think my profile comes across that way, too.

Maybe the cosmic forces are doing a hell of a screening job for me. Maybe they're looking for the person that I wished for.

But then, I wished for Pete...

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Pete the Pig

, originally uploaded by bearclau.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

daily mantra

As much as I want to ask all my questions, I have to remind myself that it just doesn't matter. He didn't choose me.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Angry Lepreachun

, originally uploaded by bearclau.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

dorothy vs. the cowardly lion

Today's horoscope:

It's time to plot your own course instead of feeling like you're a victim of circumstance. You need to realize you have much more influence on events than you previously thought. Make your actions count.

So Pete's answer to that three month old question "What's going on?" is still "I don't really know." No surprise. The whole drive to his place I kept repeating to myself "He's staying with Sarah," so that when he actually said it, it woudn't be that much of a shock. I don't understand. I asked him if he was happy and he hesitated before answering. That shouldn't be a question that you have to hesitate before answering, should you?

So I'm sad, but more for him. He lacks the courage to step up and do what's right for him.

Where does that leave me? Deflated. Short-changed. But a little smarter because now I know even more what I'm capable of in an (almost) perfect relationship and more aware of what I really need from someone else.

In other news, within one hour I was contacted by two recuriters to see what I'm up to. One of them is from a company that I was dying to belong to last year. They are very close to me, have a great reputation and from what I've seen, a great working environment. I'm not sure if I want to stay as an internet project manager. I think I want to see this instructional designer career change out some more. (I am enrollen in my masters for it.) But it won't hurt to update my resume and see what they have to offer.

Here's to making my actions count.