Sunday, November 27, 2005

land, dammit!

There's so much to say and I'll be sad that I didn't record it all down when I had the chance, but the only thing on my mind is that he's on the early flight and I can't wait for him to land. A week and a day. That's how long we've been apart, and I can hardly wait the 3 hours until he comes back to Princeton.

I'm smitten!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Two weeks

It's a mellow night. There's a howling wind blowing just outside my windows, but inside it's warm and cozy - Just right for being introspective, listening to Sarah McLachlan, Fiona Apple, and Jann Arden, and sipping wine.

Peter is on his way over. I like the sound of saying that. It rolls off my tongue so naturally, as if there was never a time where it wasn't true. Two weeks. That's all it's been since I was so brazen to ask him out for drinks after work. Since we talked for hours at the bar. Since I first felt his kisses... among other things.

Two weeks. That's all it's taken for this feeling of familarity, of comfort, of home to take place. A younger version of me would be frightened by how quick this is all taking place, but the 32 year old me is frightened for another reason.

Two weeks. Time that brings me closer to the end of the year where the chances of things changing drastically are more real. When Peter's contract could be up and he heads off to a new assignment, in a new state. Where I won't be able to see his blue eyes watching me. Where I won't be able to hear his laugh when I send him some risque IM message. Where I won't be able to feel his arms around me at night.

Time is my enemy and I will fight Him off as long as I can.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

man vs. dog

Barry doesn't understand the concept of weekends. At 5:00 he woke me up with a whimper and a wet nose in my eye. He had to go out, and nothing will deter him from getting my ass out of a comfortable, warm bed -- with the scent of him still lingering in my sheets from the night before.

I trodded downstairs with only one sock on and passed the foyer where less than 36 hours earlier he pulled the ultimate cheese move and gave me his favorite sweatshirt to wear for the weekend so I wouldn't miss him so much while he was back home in Toronto. Sometimes I forget that he's 37 and not a puberty-infected teenager.

Barry pounded at the sliding door waking me from my reverie and I bent down to clip the lead to his collar. My sore hips made me grimace at the pain of overuse. But it was a good pain. One that could best be relieved by continual activity and he has so generously offered to be my personal trainer.

Finally done with his business, Barry came back inside and we went back upstairs to a bed that suddenly seems much bigger and emptier than the night before. Not even a fuzzy, snoring dog curled up in my armpit under the covers could take his place.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

x's and o's

So awesome!

I was expecting him after 8, but around 7 I see his car pull up and I just giggled because that was always one of my childhood fantasies... where I would just happen to look up and he would be there coming towards me. So cheezy, I know.

So after all the emails that we were sending back and forth all weekend, when he got inside and I closed the door, told him "I guess this is long overdue," and pulled him in for a kiss. Such a good kisser.

It's funny because he's sitting right next to me, talking to a coworker about his weekend and all I can think about is just how soft his lips are. Mmmmm.....

We chilled out, talked, had some nervous giggles, and did more kissing. And the whole time I couldn't wipe the grin off my face.

Today I'm so tired. He wound up leaving at 9:30, so it's not as if he kept me up all night... yet... but I woke up at 2 am and just tossed and turned ever since.

Apparantly I'm trouble and I'm complicating his life ;) but he's willing to accept that challenge. I'm not sure where this will go, but for now, it fun, it feels right and I don't want it to stop. Those damn kisses...

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

I'm liking it

Sometimes the old me surfaces. Gutsy, confident, witty, get what I want me - and I like it.

Maybe it's because I feel like I have nothing to lose, or that I don't want to go through life with any regrets.

Or maybe it's because he can volley back the flirtations, innuendos and wittiness with such ease.

Whatever reason, this is fun.