Procrastination

I should be working. I should be writing content for a high-profile training course I'm working on. I should be researching correct financial terminology and supporting documentation.

I should be giving a shit.

But I just can't do it!

Instead I've been paying more attention to things that I'm more interested in. And none of it is related to my job and certainly not related to my project. This is killing me.

Just this weekend I had a mini-crisis because I felt overwhelmed and under-qualified for this project. And now I'm slacking as if I have all the time in the world.

I am a procrastinator who loves to play with fire.

Vacation prep

I'm on a plane to Mexico tomorrow for 5 days in an all-inclusive hotel with my Carolina girls. Its the emotional vacation I've been needing.

The problem is that work's deadline doesn't stop and a huge deliverable of mine is due the day after I get home. The other problem, I don't have all the source material I need from the client to complete my piece of the deliverable. So inevitably I will have to bring my laptop and do some work over vacation. I am most definitely not thrilled.

I'm also not happy about the stress that I go through in the days/hours before I take off. Planning for dog care, packing, do I have all my meds, taking care of work and personal responsibilities before I peace out.

I won't be able to breathe comfortably until I'm past TSA security and sitting on the floor of the gate waiting to board. But then I'll have to whip out my laptop and do some writing.

Yet another workplace rant

I know I'm an asshole work. I've come to terms with it. Most of the time I try to curb my asshole tendencies and try to be more open to the needs of other people. It doesn't always work.

It's not often when I get really invested in a project and very passionate about what I'm delivering. In the training world, there is a science to preparing content so it can be absorbed by a learner. So there are deliberate approaches that I take to help with content delivery.

Now I know, in the grand scheme of things, what I do for a living is not life-changing. Ultimately someone is paying me to do a specific task. My 'expert opinion' may or may not be desired. And that can often change in mid-project. But yesterday was one of those days where I wanted to win an argument. I wanted to be correct, but I knew the end result would only screw me.

The debate wasn't even with my client, but with the account manager. I had displayed some questions that were going to be asked to the class in a different way from the 'standard template'. When questioned, I provided my reasons; that the delivery of this particular session did not fit what that 'standard template' would provide and gave reasons and examples.

Turns out it didn't matter.

From the account rep:

If you do not have time to do this or don’t agree, then that is fine. We will make the adjustments ourselves and provide to [the client]. 

Which is basically a "fuck you, we're going to change it to what we want anyway, with or without you.

HULK SMASH!!

So I shut up and made the stupid change that the account rep wanted. And I was fuming!

And then I wondered why? Why am I letting something so minor as this bother me?

I don't like people telling me what to do. Especially when I don't agree with them. That's a given.

But I especially hate it when this 'advice' comes from right field. Where their only reason is 'because this is how we do it'. Where higher order thinking is discarded and robot action takes over.

I had a massage scheduled last night. After the day, I was so looking forward to just relaxing and letting the stress of that one conversation melt away. Didn't really work because damn if I wasn't getting pissed off all over again thinking about it.

Don't get me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Smart Cookie

I love it when even I actually believe that I know what I'm talking about with clients at work. And I sound all authoritative and make the client do some action items.

Power corrupts.

Today's Horoscope

Sorting will be a rewarding, energizing activity for you today. So seek out a confusing set of materials or information and get to work! You'll get a big boost out of making sense of a situation that would only confuse most other people. Looking at the big picture and finding the areas you want to explore and the areas you want to avoid will be easy for you, so why not offer your services to a confused friend, relative or coworker? He or she will be mighty grateful! 

Oh, it's been a while since I posted here. But I've been busy. A few weeks ago I attended my sorority's National Convention where I was asked to present as a keynote speaker about technology; specifically how technology and social media can be used to market us to a broader audience.

If you want to read all about it, check out my other blog.

Work has started to pick up as well. And that's why today's horoscope is especially relevant. My latest project is to develop training for new users of a complex order validation tool. I had a call with a few experts of the tools and process and I was quickly overwhelmed. They were jumping around from topic to topic, moving quickly through tools and I was trying to keep up. But I had to keep asking, "wait, what does that mean? How did you get there?"

As an instructional designer, I often describe my work as translator. I have to translate the wealth of information, sometimes useless garbage, into something that will be useful to a newbie. I have to wade through the 'nice to know' and cull it down to the 'need to know'. This isn't always an easy concept to sell when the experts believe that everything they say is must know information.

But that's like trying to brush your teeth with a fire hose. Too much, too soon.

However it's a challenge and I like challenges. Bring it on.

Lead, follow or get out of my way

When I really get into a project, I like to take it with both hands and run with it. In my head I see the big picture and all the little steps it will take to get me there. My advice to people around me is to just get out of my way.

I have no problem asking for help when I need it, and sometimes a gentle reminder that there are others waiting to be given something to do will encourage me to spread the wealth. But what I hate are those who second guess or hold up my progress.

I have been very excited about some personal projects that I've been working on. In one, I have full creative license for all the marketing and social media exposure. I love it.

In the other, I'm on a much shorter chain. And I don't love it. It discourages me because again I see the big picture of how my efforts are all to increase exposure for my organization, bring in members and improve communications among our members. And I don't want to wait for others to get in my way. When I'm on a roll, I want to just GO!

These brakes are just holding me down.

Today's Horoscope

Skip the staid, business side of things today. Instead, focus on the creative aspects of your life. Listening to music, cooking up an ambitious meal or even dancing around your bedroom is a great way to liven up the day and improve your mood. Creating something new is easier than ever, so don't be surprised if a tune pops into your head and refuses to leave, or if your mindless doodling results in some breathtaking images. All your inner ideas are itching to come out. 

I'm loving this horoscope today because I already know it's true.

I haven't been very inspired at work recently because I haven't had a chance to use my creativity. But I have been getting my creative fix in other ways.

I just created a new website for my alumnae association.

And I'm very excited to be helping my friend launch her new business by working on her website and social media marketing plan.

This feels really great to do. Feels like I'm fulfilling my purpose, something I think I've been lacking for quite a while.

Spam-tastic

I've been ranting a lot lately. If not here, then I've been tormenting a friend with the nonsense that drives me up a wall.

Today's rant is about email spam from co-workers.

For some reason, some of the unfunny people in my company thinks its he-la-er-us to send an email using the department alias address with some stupid little inside joke.

I get it. I determine its stupid. I delete it.

Then within the next 3 minutes, I get about 15 audio chimes indicating that I have new mail. Every single one is a reply to all with asinine things like:

lol.

hahahha

No, but she thought she was!

“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”

OH MY GOD!!!

I get it that they're trying to create some fun environment even though the group is split between east coast and west coast (east coast, represent!) But I don't care!

I've written about a hundred responses with "STOP SPAMMING THIS ADDRESS WITH YOUR STUPIDITY!". But I stopped myself and just hit delete each time. Not because I'm nice, because I've already confessed to being an asshole.

I stop because I would just be replicating the exact behavior that I abhor.

And I'm better than that. Actually, I'm better than all of them. (insert snarkiness)


Update:

I couldn't help myself. I caved in and sent my own response:

coffee wars

I got into work this morning without my cup of coffee at home because I had run out of milk. When I got to the coffee room, only a pot of decaf had been made.

So I started brewing a pot of regular coffee and walked back to my desk to start up my laptop. When I got back, the pot was empty.

And no one started another one.

Fuckers!

So now I'm starting a second pot of coffee, and also a third, because when I go back there, there better be some damn coffee waiting for me.

If this any indication that my day will be spent taking care of everyone else's shit, I'm ready to go back home. right now.

Shut up

I was forced to take last week off from work. My company had a mandatory furlough for all contractors. It was a nice week off. I got to see family and friends back home, I played softball, I went to a friend's BBQ and I enjoyed the beautiful weather here in NC.

Coming back to work this week is bittersweet. While I enjoy the paycheck very much, I had to deal with the incessant talking again.I actually had to ask a coworker to please continue their conversation somewhere else because my headphones don't go high enough to drown them out.

I'm an asshole, I know. But this is the same person who throws a fit when people walk past on their way to the conference room talking loudly. The only difference with them, is that they keep walking and eventually go away.

Sigh.

More process, please.

I just sat through a 70 minute WebEx listening to someone talk about an elaborate Excel template he created to manage project plans. All I could think of was Microsoft Project and how it does all that was demonstrated right out of the box.

Then there were so many tools and templates and processes and hoops to jump through... only to learn that as an Instructional Designer, I don't even have to do that. Its for the Project Managers.

What a colossal waste of time.

I got more out of the snarky IMs back an forth with a colleague than from the meeting.

Fun at work

Silly posters have been popping up at work. I like these silly little surprises.

Just a grouch

I think I might have a problem. I think I might be an asshole.

Really, I might need to join AA - Assholes Anonymous.

My asshole-ness really comes out at work. Especially during meetings. I can't stand the (completely not funny) banter that happens before the actual meeting begins - even though the meeting started 10 minutes previously.

It's even worse during conference/WebEx calls. Thank god I don't turn my video camera on. Otherwise everyone would see me rolling my eyes from the stupid comments and flipping the bird at the people who haven't prepared for the meeting.

My real pet peeve is people who waste my time. Whether I'm in the middle of developing a project or just surfing on the web, I can't stand it when someone tries to take my time when he/she is not providing any value to me.

Because really, it all comes down to what's in it for me.

I don't know if it's because I'm a yankee who's now in the south and things are just different here. Maybe not because I was just as impatient back in New Jersey.

Glass box

I wish my cube at work had a ceiling. And doors. So I could close out the nonsense that surrounds me. My headphones can only go so loud.

I'm tempted to put up a sign like in this post.

What? I can't hear you.

It happens every workday morning. More often on Monday mornings. That whole "What did you do this weekend" question that ultimately lasts for 90 minutes.

Working in a cube farm I hear all the conversations. And for the most part, I don't care. At least I don't care at 9am.

My most productive time of the day is the early morning. I am active, alert, creative and I want to be able to throw myself into my work and get things done. But if you look at me after 2 pm, then I am procrastinating as if it was my life goal.

I love to chat about bullshit, but I would prefer it to happen at a less productive time for me, like lunch or late afternoon. Instead I have to be the anti-social asshole with my headphones on; drowning out the morning conversations of tv shows, kids, pets, remodeling projects, day trips and bouts of gastrointestinal issues.

On second thought, I might just leave my headphones on all day.

I can work from home up to two days per week. And I know that when I can wake up at 7am and log on in my pajamas, I can work for 6 hours with no distractions and get a lot done. But even though my team is on the west coast and I don't interact with them too much even when I'm in the office, I do miss the social atmosphere of having colleagues nearby. Interspersed among the rambling of nonsense, I might hear a gem of information that I could actually learn from.

I wish I could just put a door in my cube, or maybe a shower curtain. When it's closed, it could be the cue to "do not disturb". But when it's open its a screaming invitation to distract me.

Morning ritual

When I get into work, I usually like to take 30 minutes to ease into the environment. This involves logging into my computer, reading work email, reading personal email, catching up on my RSS feeds and CNN, checking in with Facebook and Twitter and maybe getting something to drink.

I will do my pleasant "good mornings" to my cube-neighbors, but I basically want to take my time and get into my day. I want to enjoy the semi-solitude that comes with being a contractor.

But my new friend seems to have a different approach in the morning. Today, I hadn't even put my bag down on my counter when I start to get the update on her project, her last conference call, how the client is crazy and now once tight deadlines are flexible as they decide to add additional content into her project and basically introduce scope creep.

Ugh. I would like to say "it's not my problem. And actually, it's not your's either. Let your PM handle the client", but I don't. Instead I listen with half an ear and go about my morning ritual, offering comments where I can but secretly hoping that she'll notice that I'm preoccupied at the moment and let me take a breather.

I can only hope.

Financial crisis

It's been a rough year, financially. When I ended my contract gig and got hired full-time earlier this year I knew there would be a decrease in take-home pay. But I didn't realize that I would actually be losing money by working full-time.

Well, that full-time gig is over and I'm back to doing contract work again. To me, there is no real difference. I still get benefits. I still get direct deposit. I still report directly to my client/manager. I still do a job.

For the first time in about a month, I will finally be getting a paycheck again. I can't wait.

I've been living off credit cards and my checking account. I even had to dip into my money market account. But I haven't been starving and I even had a chance to get some vacation time in.

But I'm ready to see those red lines disappear and get myself back into the green. And with the sale of my house pending (knock on wood, cross your fingers, say a little prayer), all those nagging debt monsters can finally disappear.

August 1st is the start of my new financial freedom.

Let freedom ring.

New work home

I've been at my new job for 3 days. It doesn't suck. It actually has potential.

More to come...

Today's Horoscope

You're in a restless, and no matter where you are, there's someplace else you'd rather be. While you might ordinarily be able to distract yourself until you can find a practical way to get out, you're unwilling to waste a moment now. Cut to the chase -- announce to one and all that you've got someplace to be, and get yourself there. It's time for the next step on your journey.

Again, this is a very fitting horoscope for me today. It's my last day of work today. And ever since I announced that I was leaving, my mind has been quickly shutting off. I've been focused on other things, selling my house, packing my stuff, settling in my new home, you know-- basic life stuff.

I know I should be getting concerned about the no work/mortgage due situation. But right now, I just can't. If I worry about it today or tomorrow, it will still be there. But in the meantime I'm enjoying every moment that I spend with Charles as he helps me get familiar with my new surroundings.

I met with a recruiter in Raleigh Wednesday morning which went well. I got a call from another person at a bank asking me to submit my resume for an instructional designer position with them. So at least there's some activity on the job front. That's encouraging enough to me to make me want to take a nap in the middle of the afternoon instead of spending 2 hours scouring the online job boards.

I feel extremely blessed/lucky/grateful about how my life has been lately. Its as if all those wishes after years of blowing out the candles on my birthday cake are finally coming true.

The cost of employment

I just took a close look at my finances and had to do a double-take. Since I've been working full time at my job I have been losing almost $1000 a month!

My expenses have been fairly consistent over the past 9 months, except for a holiday spike, so it's not like I've been spending more. Even when I take into account my road trip in March, there's nothing really extravagant that I spent money on.

Yet making the move from contractor to full time crippled me financially. Sure I got the benefits of medical, dental, 401K, vacation, holidays. But holy crap does it come with a price! Over $20/hour difference (if I did my math correctly).

As much as I liked the job and the opportunity to grow my career, I realize that I just can't afford to work there. So it's a really good thing that I've decided to move to North Carolina. I just hope my house sells soon so I can get rid of my major expenses (mortgage, student loans, car). Then the cost of living at a lower rate/salary for the Raleigh area won't be such a strain on my wallet.