Just give it to me already

I first signed all my loan application documents on Feb 28. That was three weeks ago.

Since that time I have done a lot of waiting.

The appraiser came out to the home to provide his assessment of the property now and what it will appraise for after my renovations are complete.

The result came back to my loan officer Julie on March 11. At the very end of the day on March 13 I received an email from her. The only thing it said, in the subject line was "call me first thing in the morning".

That was it. No message. No further explanation.

Unfortunately for Julie, this is par for the course. Her communication skills do not align to my expectation of good customer service.

So the morning of March 14 I call her.

Apparently the appraised value of the house after all the work is done is about $10,000 less than the purchase price plus the renovation costs. She doesn't think the loan will be approved with that much discrepancy.

"Um... ok. So what do I have to do?"

She didn't know really. She couldn't give me a good answer, other than reduce my renovation costs. Or maybe cough up more for a down payment.

So I went back to my contractor and completely cut the scope of the kitchen remodel. Goodbye quartz countertops, hello laminate. So long solid hardwood floors, welcome engineered hardwood. Take out the costs of the sink, faucet and range hood. I'll pay for that separately. Oh, and those other things you wanted done around the house, like fix some of the cracks in the brick. Nope.

All in all, I shaved about $7000 off the renovation budget. That doesn't mean that some of the things that I wanted won't get done. It just means that it wont be done from the 203K budget.

Anyway, the revised renovation estimate was sent back to Julie to resubmit for the appraisal. (I really don't know why.)

The rest of the 21st. I waited. The entire day of the 22nd I waited. I left multiple emails and voice mails for some kind of update. But no word from her.

Give it to me now!

What. The. Fuck.

In the meantime I was also playing with my financial spreadsheets, trying to understand the calculations.There are two dollar amounts from which to make that financial assessment that I was asking to borrow too much.

The first number is the purchase price plus the renovation costs. Let's call that X.

The second number is the purchase price, plus the renovation costs, minus the down payment. This is essentially the mortgage amount. Let's call that Y.

So if Julie was saying that there was a $10K discrepancy, then she was basing her calculations on X. However, if she was saying that I could offer more for a down payment, then she was basing her calculations on Y.

To me, basing the difference in value between the assessed amount and the mortgage price, value Y, is the logical choice. So with that, I'm not $10K off, I'm $4K off.

Finally on Monday the 18th I called her. She got a verbal confirmation from the lender that the reduction in renovation costs will not change his assessment. It will still appraise at the same amount. But she was still waiting on his paperwork (?) to resubmit the loan application.

From my calculations, the new mortgage price, with the reduced renovations estimate and my down payment, will bring me below the appraised value, just slightly. Which is good. But since the bank will not likely let me borrow almost 100% of the appraised value, I might still have to add a little more for down payment. But its more like $2K rather that  $5K.

To summarize, this sucks.

It sucks that I have to be nice to Julie because I need her help. Even though she is a sucky communicator and I want to hurt her every time I hear (or don't hear) from her. Even though she leaves me with more questions than answers. Even though her customer service is for crap. Even though I can send her specific questions and requests and she'll respond with a one sentence answer that didn't even reply to what I asked.

I'm supposed to close on the house in 8 days.

I'm supposed to move out of my apartment by April 30.

I'm supposed to have the kitchen work complete before I move into my house.

I'm so aggravated, I want to swing a cat around over my head by the tail.

Yet another workplace rant

I know I'm an asshole work. I've come to terms with it. Most of the time I try to curb my asshole tendencies and try to be more open to the needs of other people. It doesn't always work.

It's not often when I get really invested in a project and very passionate about what I'm delivering. In the training world, there is a science to preparing content so it can be absorbed by a learner. So there are deliberate approaches that I take to help with content delivery.

Now I know, in the grand scheme of things, what I do for a living is not life-changing. Ultimately someone is paying me to do a specific task. My 'expert opinion' may or may not be desired. And that can often change in mid-project. But yesterday was one of those days where I wanted to win an argument. I wanted to be correct, but I knew the end result would only screw me.

The debate wasn't even with my client, but with the account manager. I had displayed some questions that were going to be asked to the class in a different way from the 'standard template'. When questioned, I provided my reasons; that the delivery of this particular session did not fit what that 'standard template' would provide and gave reasons and examples.

Turns out it didn't matter.

From the account rep:

If you do not have time to do this or don’t agree, then that is fine. We will make the adjustments ourselves and provide to [the client]. 

Which is basically a "fuck you, we're going to change it to what we want anyway, with or without you.

HULK SMASH!!

So I shut up and made the stupid change that the account rep wanted. And I was fuming!

And then I wondered why? Why am I letting something so minor as this bother me?

I don't like people telling me what to do. Especially when I don't agree with them. That's a given.

But I especially hate it when this 'advice' comes from right field. Where their only reason is 'because this is how we do it'. Where higher order thinking is discarded and robot action takes over.

I had a massage scheduled last night. After the day, I was so looking forward to just relaxing and letting the stress of that one conversation melt away. Didn't really work because damn if I wasn't getting pissed off all over again thinking about it.

Don't get me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Lead, follow or get out of my way

When I really get into a project, I like to take it with both hands and run with it. In my head I see the big picture and all the little steps it will take to get me there. My advice to people around me is to just get out of my way.

I have no problem asking for help when I need it, and sometimes a gentle reminder that there are others waiting to be given something to do will encourage me to spread the wealth. But what I hate are those who second guess or hold up my progress.

I have been very excited about some personal projects that I've been working on. In one, I have full creative license for all the marketing and social media exposure. I love it.

In the other, I'm on a much shorter chain. And I don't love it. It discourages me because again I see the big picture of how my efforts are all to increase exposure for my organization, bring in members and improve communications among our members. And I don't want to wait for others to get in my way. When I'm on a roll, I want to just GO!

These brakes are just holding me down.

Spam-tastic

I've been ranting a lot lately. If not here, then I've been tormenting a friend with the nonsense that drives me up a wall.

Today's rant is about email spam from co-workers.

For some reason, some of the unfunny people in my company thinks its he-la-er-us to send an email using the department alias address with some stupid little inside joke.

I get it. I determine its stupid. I delete it.

Then within the next 3 minutes, I get about 15 audio chimes indicating that I have new mail. Every single one is a reply to all with asinine things like:

lol.

hahahha

No, but she thought she was!

“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”

OH MY GOD!!!

I get it that they're trying to create some fun environment even though the group is split between east coast and west coast (east coast, represent!) But I don't care!

I've written about a hundred responses with "STOP SPAMMING THIS ADDRESS WITH YOUR STUPIDITY!". But I stopped myself and just hit delete each time. Not because I'm nice, because I've already confessed to being an asshole.

I stop because I would just be replicating the exact behavior that I abhor.

And I'm better than that. Actually, I'm better than all of them. (insert snarkiness)


Update:

I couldn't help myself. I caved in and sent my own response:

coffee wars

I got into work this morning without my cup of coffee at home because I had run out of milk. When I got to the coffee room, only a pot of decaf had been made.

So I started brewing a pot of regular coffee and walked back to my desk to start up my laptop. When I got back, the pot was empty.

And no one started another one.

Fuckers!

So now I'm starting a second pot of coffee, and also a third, because when I go back there, there better be some damn coffee waiting for me.

If this any indication that my day will be spent taking care of everyone else's shit, I'm ready to go back home. right now.

Shut up

I was forced to take last week off from work. My company had a mandatory furlough for all contractors. It was a nice week off. I got to see family and friends back home, I played softball, I went to a friend's BBQ and I enjoyed the beautiful weather here in NC.

Coming back to work this week is bittersweet. While I enjoy the paycheck very much, I had to deal with the incessant talking again.I actually had to ask a coworker to please continue their conversation somewhere else because my headphones don't go high enough to drown them out.

I'm an asshole, I know. But this is the same person who throws a fit when people walk past on their way to the conference room talking loudly. The only difference with them, is that they keep walking and eventually go away.

Sigh.

A rant: Too Much Talking people

There really are all kinds of people. But the kind of people I want to talk rant about today are those who don't know how to shut the fuck up.

Personally, I am more of a listener. When I'm in settings with new people, or not yet part of the established 'group', I often sit back and listen to the volley of conversation. I'll participate when I have something helpful to contribute or if I want to ask a follow up question, but mostly I observe.

Its just that I don't like to waste words.

Even at work, and especially during meetings, I get to the point. It may not be socially acceptable thing to gloss past the niceties, but honestly I don't care about the weather somewhere else, what color you're painting your power room or if your toddler can go a night without wetting the bed.

So in social settings, with people I consider friends, it pains me to listen to endless lectures about them. (And it is a lecture and not a discussion, because they leave no room for anyone else's opinion.)

There are stories that I've heard a million times (and they weren't that interesting the first time around), stories that are completely opposite to what I believe in (that I often bite my tongue because I often think 'is it worth it?'), to stories that make me look smarter just by saying nothing.

The worst part is that the people I'm thinking about aren't bad people. I would even like to think that they may be one of the ones to come to my aid should I need it. But these are people who can only be taken in small doses. Like alcohol.

A little once in a while can make for an entertaining evening. But constant binges leads to headaches, nausea, and sometimes emotional/physical outbursts that are best left to the cast of Jersey Shore.

More process, please.

I just sat through a 70 minute WebEx listening to someone talk about an elaborate Excel template he created to manage project plans. All I could think of was Microsoft Project and how it does all that was demonstrated right out of the box.

Then there were so many tools and templates and processes and hoops to jump through... only to learn that as an Instructional Designer, I don't even have to do that. Its for the Project Managers.

What a colossal waste of time.

I got more out of the snarky IMs back an forth with a colleague than from the meeting.

Just a grouch

I think I might have a problem. I think I might be an asshole.

Really, I might need to join AA - Assholes Anonymous.

My asshole-ness really comes out at work. Especially during meetings. I can't stand the (completely not funny) banter that happens before the actual meeting begins - even though the meeting started 10 minutes previously.

It's even worse during conference/WebEx calls. Thank god I don't turn my video camera on. Otherwise everyone would see me rolling my eyes from the stupid comments and flipping the bird at the people who haven't prepared for the meeting.

My real pet peeve is people who waste my time. Whether I'm in the middle of developing a project or just surfing on the web, I can't stand it when someone tries to take my time when he/she is not providing any value to me.

Because really, it all comes down to what's in it for me.

I don't know if it's because I'm a yankee who's now in the south and things are just different here. Maybe not because I was just as impatient back in New Jersey.

Glass box

I wish my cube at work had a ceiling. And doors. So I could close out the nonsense that surrounds me. My headphones can only go so loud.

I'm tempted to put up a sign like in this post.

What? I can't hear you.

It happens every workday morning. More often on Monday mornings. That whole "What did you do this weekend" question that ultimately lasts for 90 minutes.

Working in a cube farm I hear all the conversations. And for the most part, I don't care. At least I don't care at 9am.

My most productive time of the day is the early morning. I am active, alert, creative and I want to be able to throw myself into my work and get things done. But if you look at me after 2 pm, then I am procrastinating as if it was my life goal.

I love to chat about bullshit, but I would prefer it to happen at a less productive time for me, like lunch or late afternoon. Instead I have to be the anti-social asshole with my headphones on; drowning out the morning conversations of tv shows, kids, pets, remodeling projects, day trips and bouts of gastrointestinal issues.

On second thought, I might just leave my headphones on all day.

I can work from home up to two days per week. And I know that when I can wake up at 7am and log on in my pajamas, I can work for 6 hours with no distractions and get a lot done. But even though my team is on the west coast and I don't interact with them too much even when I'm in the office, I do miss the social atmosphere of having colleagues nearby. Interspersed among the rambling of nonsense, I might hear a gem of information that I could actually learn from.

I wish I could just put a door in my cube, or maybe a shower curtain. When it's closed, it could be the cue to "do not disturb". But when it's open its a screaming invitation to distract me.

Landing on my feet

Let your natural smarts and intuition be your guide today, especially when dealing with relationships. For the next few days, you can see more deeply beneath the surface to what's happening on another level, which gives you a kind of sixth sense when observing personal interactions. With this kind of thinking, you can open your mind and strengthen your bonds. It's a great opportunity, so seize it! -- today's horoscope

Even in the strangest of circumstances, I have always had the ability to turn things around and ultimately land on my feet. However, right now I'm dealing with my world turning upside-down and I really hope those feline instincts kick in.

On my 37th birthday, just 3 months ago, I put my house in New Jersey on the market to move to North Carolina. I was going to live with my boyfriend, an amazing man who I met a month and a half earlier on vacation and who I thought would be 'the one'.

Last week I was asked to move out. According to him, his ex-wife was threatening to sue for custody of the kids because living in sin was not a good environment. In three days, I had found an apartment, signed a lease, and moved in. I had thought that this was a good thing. I truly believed that going from long-distance relationship to living together was just too much of a strain and that by me having my own place, we could go back to dating and being normal.

It's never good when you get a text saying 'we have to talk'.

I went to his house and knocked on the door. I still had a key, but I thought that would be rude to let myself in. When he didn't answer right away, I cleared out the remaining things I had in the garage. When he did finally answer the door, I got the last of my things from the hall closet. When I had it all gathered, I turned to him.

"What? What do you have to tell me?"

"I think its pretty obvious. We haven't been getting along to well these last few days."

Um, you think it could be because you made me leave??

There was so much I wanted to yell and scream. But really, what's the point. If he didn't want to be with me, then I wasn't going to beg.

"So who really kicked me out? You or [her]?"

"Both."

Ouch.

So I learned what a coward he really is.

And I can pick myself up, turn this around, and continue on with my adventure. Because that's what life is really about, right?

Thrown under the bus

I get my own apartment tomorrow. Not because I want to, but because I was made to. It sucks having your life turned upside down unexpectedly.

But on the plus side, I get a sweet pool with the apartment, free cable/HBO, washer/dryer, gym. And Barry comes to live with me!!

Morning ritual

When I get into work, I usually like to take 30 minutes to ease into the environment. This involves logging into my computer, reading work email, reading personal email, catching up on my RSS feeds and CNN, checking in with Facebook and Twitter and maybe getting something to drink.

I will do my pleasant "good mornings" to my cube-neighbors, but I basically want to take my time and get into my day. I want to enjoy the semi-solitude that comes with being a contractor.

But my new friend seems to have a different approach in the morning. Today, I hadn't even put my bag down on my counter when I start to get the update on her project, her last conference call, how the client is crazy and now once tight deadlines are flexible as they decide to add additional content into her project and basically introduce scope creep.

Ugh. I would like to say "it's not my problem. And actually, it's not your's either. Let your PM handle the client", but I don't. Instead I listen with half an ear and go about my morning ritual, offering comments where I can but secretly hoping that she'll notice that I'm preoccupied at the moment and let me take a breather.

I can only hope.

Its funny when it's not me

I am not a fan of Sarah Palin, her politics, her lifestyle or much else about her.

But I think its supremely shitty when your teenage daughter announces her engagement through a gossip magazine rather than to you. And you have to respond via a public statement to the media.

I mean really, what kind of fucked up family do you need to have?

The cost of employment

I just took a close look at my finances and had to do a double-take. Since I've been working full time at my job I have been losing almost $1000 a month!

My expenses have been fairly consistent over the past 9 months, except for a holiday spike, so it's not like I've been spending more. Even when I take into account my road trip in March, there's nothing really extravagant that I spent money on.

Yet making the move from contractor to full time crippled me financially. Sure I got the benefits of medical, dental, 401K, vacation, holidays. But holy crap does it come with a price! Over $20/hour difference (if I did my math correctly).

As much as I liked the job and the opportunity to grow my career, I realize that I just can't afford to work there. So it's a really good thing that I've decided to move to North Carolina. I just hope my house sells soon so I can get rid of my major expenses (mortgage, student loans, car). Then the cost of living at a lower rate/salary for the Raleigh area won't be such a strain on my wallet.

10 Reasons Why Being Alone Sucks

1. No one to talk to (that will answer you back). Dogs don't count.
2. I never get any pictures taken of me.
3. Single supplement fees when traveling.
4. When something cool/funny/sad/scary happens, there's no one to share it with.
5. Beds always seem much too large.
6. Can't reach that itch in the middle of my back.
7. I can have shit stuck in my teeth / fly unzipped and no one to warn me.
   
8. If I fall and can't get up, who'll get help? I'm too young for LifeAlert.
9. Having to kill my own bugs.
10. No one else's dessert to take a bite of to sample.
    

Man of the house

I'm getting quotes for a patio install. I've been in my place 5 years and I think its about time to get rid of the scraggly grass and have a nice paved entertaining space. Thank God for Home Depot.

Today I got a call from the contractor's scheduler to arrange for an appointment. She took some initial information, like the dimensions of the patio, and gave me a ballpark estimate. $4500 - $4900. Yikes.

I humed and hawed for a second.

"Well, maybe you can talk it over with your husband?"

What. The. Fuck.

I hate it when people assume that I'm the 'little woman' who needs her big, strong husband to make all the decisions for me.

I didn't say anything. I let it go, because there's no use pissing off the people who you're trying to get to help you. But really, F her.

Random thoughts

"It's not that I think everyone else is an idiot, I just think that I'm better than them."

"At what age is it just stupid to have every comment you utter reference getting drunk?"

"It's nice to know that I have over $35,000 in student loan debt to be a copy/paster."

In a meeting, a coworker said "How do I get an overpaid job where I can be arrogant and not really know what I'm talking about?"
It took all of my willpower not to reply with "You already do."

A pet peeve

I sit in a cubicle at work and often overhear people's conversations. (Ok, sometimes I strain to hear because I am such a voyeur.) But in my pursuit of my eavesdropping I hear stuff that ultimately annoys me -- which in reality is my own dumb fault for being angry because I don't need to be so nosy.

Today's pet peeve is the way some people start off conversations.

"I don't know if you read my email, but..." and then go off into a monologue on what their email actually said.

This doesn't have to be specific to email, but in any situation where Person A expected Person B to have knowledge of something, Person A starts with "I don't know if you have knowledge of something", then proceeds to tell Person B exactly the knowledge of something Person B was expected to know.

Wouldn't it be easier just do ask "Hey, did you read my email? What are your thoughts on it?" This way it conserves words, gets to the point of the conversation and doesn't aggravate me when I try and listen in to conversations that have nothing to do with me.