"It's not that I think everyone else is an idiot, I just think that I'm better than them."
"At what age is it just stupid to have every comment you utter reference getting drunk?"
"It's nice to know that I have over $35,000 in student loan debt to be a copy/paster."
In a meeting, a coworker said "How do I get an overpaid job where I can be arrogant and not really know what I'm talking about?"
It took all of my willpower not to reply with "You already do."