The Power of Three

If I had three frivolous wishes to use only on myself, here's what they would be:

1. Be 30 pounds lighter
2. Be $300,000 richer
3. Have 30 more vacation days

What are your three wishes?

Musical Morning

Here's just a random sampling of music that got me through my morning:

Lay Your Hands On Me (slow version) - Bon Jovi
This slow, grooving version was a great song to start the morning with.

Within Your Reach - The Replacements
The sweeping guitar flanging makes me feel like twirling circles around in my room with my hands waiving hippie-like in the air.

Keep Yourself Alive - Queen
A steady driving beat perfect for that morning commute past cornfields and cows on two lane highways.

Mercy - Duffy
With the first bass notes, you might think it's Ben E. King's Stand By Me. But this sassy song puts me in a mood just right to catch up on work emails and mentally prepare myself for a day of nonsense.

Describe your musical morning...

Mess

I don't know when I changed, but I can tun into a sobbing mess in an instant. Movies, songs, commercials, Hallmark cards, you name it.

• Christian the Lion - When he runs into their arms... mess.
• World's Strongest Dad - When the dad carries his son across the finish line... huge mess.
• WALL-E - When Wall-e and Eva dance in space... ridiculous mess.
• Pedigree Commercial - Those puppy eyes...sobbing mess.
• U2 'Walk On' - Reminds me of September 11. "I know it aches, how your heart it breaks, you can only take so much..." singing mess.
• Ross and Rachel - The kiss everyone was waiting for... cheering mess.

What turns you into a mess?

Girl Power

The evening of my crappy day at work, I decided to treat myself to dinner and a movie. A popcorn dinner, that is. I went to see Sex In The City. I needed some girly time.

There was about a dozen people in the theater, and the estrogen was overwhelming. I had my tiny bag of popcorn, my legs were comfortably propped on the seat in front of me and the lights dimmed. I was ready to put behind the problems of the day and be absorbed in the lives of Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha. I missed those girls.

I loved watching SATC on HBO. It was the only reason that I actually subscribed to it. When SATC aired its final episode, HBO was canceled. But what I loved about the show was the relationships between them. They were so open, so honest. They shared the good and the bad. With one phone call, they could join forces and solve any crisis or heartbreak with a cosmopolitan, Manolos or brunch. They had a friendship that I envied.

I have friends and cousins who I am close to. We share personal stories, confide deepest secrets, laugh over embarrassing moments, or just wonder what kind of lives we will lead. But what seems strange to me is that there isn't one person who I share all aspects of those topics. I don't have one best friend, but a network of friends who get different bits and pieces of who I am.

I wonder why is that? Is it me? Do I chose to spread myself out so as not to get so deep with one person? Maybe. I can go weeks or months without speaking to some of my friends and not think twice about it because when we do get back in contact it's as if no time had ever past. To me that's special. Like the friendship is strong enough to not have to coddle or babysit it along the way.

I spend a lot of time by myself and for the most part, I enjoy it. I can do what I want, when I want, without having to ask for permission or arranging schedules. But when I want company, its hard trying to find the right girlfriend to invite. One's either too cranky, or too pregnant, too Mommy, or too married, or just too far away.

Then there are some friends who I dearly miss, but whose life have taken such a different path from mine that there is hardly anything left to talk about.

As Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte all mended to Carrie's broken heart, I wondered who of my friends would be there for me in my time of crisis? How have I made myself available to them?

So now I'm curious. What are your friendships like? Do you have that one best friend? Do you have a network of girlfriends who can tell you that yes, those pants really do make your ass look fat? Or do you flitter around like a butterfly to random groups of people who knew you at different points of your life?

Leave me a comment.

1st Annual NXLevel Golf Invitational

Friday turned into Fun-day as everyone in the office played hookey for an afternoon of mini-golf.

We left the office at noon for lunch at a local rib joint. Then we were off to the mini-golf place for some silliness. It was extremely hot out, about 95° and even though we were carting around plenty of beers with us, it was almost too hot to drink them... almost.

I was pulling some amazing shots out of my ass. Birdie, par. Across the course the other teams would hear "Claudine got 2!" and they would tremble in fear. Was I the next Tiger Woods?

Alas, they were not getting the full story. Among my super shots were also some 7, 8 and 9 stroke holes. Tiger can rest easy.

My overall score was somewhere in the 80's. But in the end, I was a winner. Winner of the highest score. If I'm going lose, then I'll lose the best!

Just one of those days

It's been a yucky day at work today trying to put out fires for a client. I will be happy when we figure this thing out and deliver a new package of files. Then I will have a beer, slouch in my chair, kick off my shoes and rub my belly. At work.

It started at 8:30am when I saw the message light was on. 'Client' was having problems with the course we delivered yesterday. It wasn't sending the completion data back to their database when the course was finished. But at one time, back in April, it did. What changed? Oh, and by the way. They are launching this course out to their public tomorrow. Go get to fixin'.

*Snap, snap*

So after I give 'Client' a call to confirm that I received her message and that I'm on the case, I bang my head on my desk. Crap. My two developers who worked on this project are not in the office. One's out sick, the other works from home on Thursday.

Immediately, I start with the emails telling the developer and the company partners what's going on and start with the investigating. Is it the code? What timestamp is it? Which was the last confirmed working version for them? This went on for about 3 hours back and forth on IM, email and phone.

Finally we uncover what may be the root of the problem. It was me. The last image change the client asked for affected an asset on the last page of the course. That last page asset was the way we were telling the client's database that the course was finished. When the asset was updated, I saved it as the wrong format, thus removing the completion code delivery. Double crap.

I had to join Client on a conference call this afternoon to provide an update as to what the issue was and what our solution would be. Luckily they weren't jerks about it, at least not on the phone to me. It was productive and forward-looking so I didn't feel on the defensive. Why can't all clients be like that? Although I'm sure as soon as they hung up the phone they were cursing me out. Come on, that's what I would do.

So now it's wait time for me as I stand by as the developer does his thing. This is the worst part for me, the waiting. Because I want to be doing something, but there's nothing that I can do.

This is one of those days where I wish I was 6 years old again and my only worry was what color crayon to use in my Barbie coloring book.

Places to see before I die

Ooops, didn't mean to have such a morbid title. But it's going to happen to us all one day, hopefully in the distant future. But while I'm here, I'd like to make it memorable.

I love to travel and whenever I find myself in Barnes & Noble, I often page through the book "1000 Places to Visit Before You Die". I feel all proud when I can say I've been there already. Some of those special places are:


London
I was first there in 2001 visiting Tom. I loved it! I've been back twice since.

Paris
Beautiful city. I loved just sitting at a sidewalk cafe people watching, writing in my journal and eating crepes with bananas and hazelnut. Yum.

La Mezquita, Spain
I traveled through Spain with my mom and my aunt. The Moorish architecture was really breath-taking.

Venice
A unique town that is lively and enchanting. Go there once in your life, or maybe twice like me.

I was in Costa Rica in April and I already have the travel bug.

My Top 10 Places to Next Visit

1. Machu Pichu, Peru - planning on going there next spring
2. Greece
3. Egypt
4. Petra, Jordan
5. Safari in Kenya, Africa
6. Australia and diving in the Great Barrier Reef
7. Hong Kong and the Great Wall of China
   
8. Taj Mahal, India
9. Rio de Janeiro
10. Ireland - to find me a nice Irish lad for my very own.

Where do you want to travel to?

Sorority Fag

You know sometimes how listening to a song can automatically transport you back to a specific time or place in your past? Well, this morning on the way to work I heard a song that brought me back to my sorority days. "Build Me Up Buttercup" by The Foundations.

I was a complete sorority fag. Each semester as part of Rush, we would make up songs to cheer as the Rushees came to visit our chapter house. The more fun and the more catchy the songs were, the better they were. I made up a song for to the tune of "Buttercup". Sing along with me please...

Why don't you come and see Alpha Xi, baby
Its the place for you, with a love so true
And best of all, we'll be around baby
If you ask us to, we'll stand by you
We want you, we want you
More than anyone, darlin'
You know that we have from the start.
So come and be, an Alpha Xi
Don't break our hearts.

This was a hit. I sang it so much that even now, I can't sing the real words to the song.

But my Rush song legacy was one I wrote to the tune of the "Always Coca-Cola" song. I taught this to chapters all over the Eastern states during a chapter president's conference one year.


The stars will always shine, the birds will always sing
With Alpha Xi Delta you're always the real thing
A sisterhood so true, we're all number one
As long as there is love, there's Alpha Xi Delta
Doo doo doo doo doo, We're Alpha Xi Delta

You can thank me later for putting these songs in your head.

Guitar Heros

Is this our musical future?

Poor-man's Therapy

I've been keeping a journal in one form or another, on and off, for quite a few years. Some have been public in a blog, but most of it has been private in my handwritten books.

I started keeping a journal simply as a way to remind myself of things I've done. I still have all my notes from middle and high school still folded up in those crazy origami patterns to make it impossible to open easy. I like to look back and laugh at that silly 14-year-old who thought she knew it all. Now the journals collect my thoughts, feelings, and recollections of crazy antics. It serves as my own time capsule.

I find that I write more often and more eloquently when I'm going though some sort of emotional change. Usually when I'm starting a new relationship or ending one, the entries become more heart-felt. The pages have become my therapist and I reveal my soul through the ink.

Samara O'Shea wrote about her keeping a journal, "So to me a journal is that place to be unabashedly honest with yourself, and it's dangerous because you won't always like what you see. You'll look at your thoughts and say, "I don't actually think that do I?" You do and it's fine."

She has a new book coming out Note to Self: On Keeping a Journal and Other Dangerous Pursuits that I'm interested in getting. In it she provides some suggestions and exercises:

• Write in a stream of consciousness: Forget everything you ever learned about writing and just write. Let it all out: the good, bad, mad, angry, boring, and ugly.
• Ask yourself questions: What do I want to change about myself? What would I never change about myself?
• Copy quotes: Other people's words can help you figure out where you are in life, or where you'd like to be.
• It takes time: Don't lose faith if you don't imme­diately feel better after writing in your journal. Think of each entry as part of a collection that will eventually reveal its meaning to you.

I like to write in my journal, but I would like to be able to leave my mark with some thing more substantial than nonsensical ramblings and sporadic pearls of wisdom. I want it to be something that will be insightful to future generations of my family. I want it to be a part of my legacy.

How about you? Why do you blog/journal?

On race

Classes have started up again and even though it's only been one week, I am surprised how interesting I think this class will be.

The Historical and Societal Foundations of Education course "explores the ways in which educational institutions, policies, and practices have emerged and developed, particularly in relation to changing social conditions and expectations". I'm sure I'll have more posts about the course and ideas that come out of it, but today I want to share an article that was mentioned in one of the class discussions.

White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack by Peggy McIntosh is a thought provoking piece that asks the question "what is it like to have white privilege"?

I have come to see white privilege as an invisible package of unearned assets that I can count on cashing in each day, but about which I was "meant" to remain oblivious. White privilege is like an invisible weightless knapsack of special provisions, maps, passports, codebooks, visas, clothes, tools , and blank checks.

What I found most provoking are McIntosh's list of 50 Daily Effects of White Privilege. It made me question my own identity.

I look, act and live white. But I am Latina, a 100% Puerto Rican. I may not be as dark skinned as my relatives and I might not speak Spanish, but I have Taino blood running though my veins. I have Boriqua pride: you better not mistake me for Dominican or Mexican! And I'm not an immigrant, dammit. We're Americans.

I've taken advantage of my ancestry when necessary, such as the full-tuition minority scholarship that got me through college. I also mark myself off as Hispanic on demographic questionnaires that also ask about my gender, income and education level -- more as a big Screw You to anyone who might want to otherwise think down at me solely because I'm a "minority".

But when it comes to everyday living, I can identify with each of those 50 conditions. And it made me feel sad and a little guilty, although guilty for what I don't really know.

Growing up, I don't think I was brought up to think any certain way about race. I don't remember specific beliefs or attitudes that I inherited from my family. I knew I was Puerto Rican because we would go there to see my grandparents and cousins often enough and I loved the rice and beans that my mom made, but I made no attempt to have that identifier tagged to me as a kid. I wanted to fit in as much as anyone else so I identified more with Madonna than Jennifer Lopez.

Today I try to judge others by their character, not by their skin. I try to look beyond stereotypes and see the person for who they are. I try not to tolerate injustices to anyone based on race, gender, religion, etc. But I realize that I have had advantages that other members of my extended family might not have simply because I'm not as tan and don't speak with an accent.

So now with this realization, what do I do with it? What can I do with it? I don't have a clue yet.

Qwirkle

At work, we normally play games during lunchtime. For a while we had played Chicken Foot, a variation on dominoes. But the new game we play now is Quirkle. It's a fun and addictive game where you have to match up color and/or shape tiles. It's like Scrabble and dominoes mashed together. Its fun for all ages.

What's frustrating is that Mike always wins. Who knew that he was actually smart. He hides it very well.

4th of July Weekend

I found a very cool site, Animoto. It takes your photos from your computer or from a sharing site and mashes it together with music (again from your computer or from their selection) to make really awesome videos.

Today's Horoscope

Today's horoscope. The universe is trying to tell me something I think.

It is a good day to focus on your health -- the clothes in your closet have not been shrinking, despite what you would like to think. Start keeping track of what you eat each day and how much exercise you get. You'll quickly see that there are painless changes you can make that will help you look better and feel better. Try nonfat milk in your coffee. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Park at the far end of the parking lot. Treat your body like it's the only one you have -- because it is!

Analyze This

I signed up to use Google Analytics on this site a week or so ago, just to see if there is any traffic besides the small handful of friends who come here.

Under the keyword search area, my top two hits were 'penis' and 'big penis' respectively.

Awesome! And I owe it all to this post.

Pride and Prejudice

I've been doing some summer reading. Right now I have Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice on my nightstand. I had never read any of her books in school and wanted to catch up on some classics.

I've been enjoying reading it, but Austin's language is so formal and flowery that sometimes I have to read and re-read a paragraph just to understand what the character is really saying.

Often I try and translate passages into modern language.

"Oh, my dear Eliza! pray make haste and come into the dining room, for there is such a sight to be seen! I will not tell you what it is. Make haste, and come down this moment."

Becomes this:

"Eliza! Get the hell down here. You've got to see this to believe this. Hurry the hell up!"

See how much better it flows?

A Day In The Life: Photo Journal

Today I took the challenge of journaling a day in my life only through photos.

View the slideshow.

Fashion Sense

Fashion Sense
Originally uploaded by bearclau

Sometimes I wonder if people actually look in the mirror before they go outside.

I <3 Facebook

I was 'friended' this week by a friend from high school who I haven't heard from since he graduated 18 years ago. The beep on my Blackberry went off at 6:45 am and immediately I had to check and see what was going on. There was the message..."Craig Watkinson wants to be your friend".

What?! I reached over and grabbed my laptop lying on the floor next to my bed and fired it up.

Holy crap, he's in LA acting and teaching, has a beautiful wife, and he's HOT!! He even has his own IMDB page. Let the cyber-stalking begin. He's now my secret married boyfriend. (Secret because he doesn't even know it.)

Of course I told the idiots (aka Mike and Steve) at work and was immediately ridiculed. "Did you actually know him in high school, or did you just pass in the halls. If we were to call him right now and mention your name, would he have any clue who we were talking about?"

Oh whatever.

An excerpt from what he wrote in my yearbook:

...Being "Clau'd" was the best thing that ever happened to me (even though you missed my 'special spot'). Your calves rule! You are like Calvin, Hobbes and Bart all rolled up into one. Your wild nature magnifies my heart like an old man with sneakers (?). I love you more than you know!...

The crazy part was that I never knew any of this while we were in school. We were friends who kidded around and it was usually me who was the butt of the jokes.

Ah well, you live, you learn. But what I wouldn't give to hop into a DeLorean to go back to 1990 just so see how things could have been different.

All thanks to Facebook.

(Hooop!)

silly

Sometimes I come across things that just make me laugh out loud for no reason.

This is one of them.