No going back

Now the truly HGTV portion of my home-buying experience begins. The kitchen renovation.

Gone are the handmade cabinets. Gone are the layers of linoleum tiles.

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Instead it looks like this guy was let lose in my house.

Update: 

Here is the pile of cabinets and kitchen sink that will be donated to the Habitat for Humanity ReStore. Gotta pay it forward. 

A battle of wits

I took a closer look at the ivy growing on the tree and all along the fence line. The good news is that it looks like English ivy. The non-poisonous kind.

But that doesn't mean that poison ivy might not be lurking there. 

The bad news is that I really can't go all willy-nilly with the Round-up because that will kill everything. And while I really don't want ivy all over the place, I would rather be organic in its removal than getting all nuclear about it. Because I do want to eventually grow things there and I don't want to poison my dog. 

A battle against ivy

It's been a few days since the closing and it's only in brief moments where the realization sets in that I bought a house!

I spent the weekend clearing out the overgrowth of ivy and the three years worth of leaves that have built up along the house.

At first glance, those hedges on the right look full and lush. But that would be a lie. It was intertwined with ivy and suffocating underneath. 

There was about 1.5 feet of decaying leaves behind the hedges and thorny tendrils of ivy. 

As I reached my hand among the branches I kept praying that I wouldn't see a face of any creature staring back at me.

After many hours I cleared out all the crap.

All that's left now looks like a barren wasteland. But what is left are branches that are alive and have leaves on them. I'm hoping that they will actually bloom and come back to life.

I even cleared out the side yard of the evil ivy.

Since this area gets full sun, I think I can see some sunflowers planted there.

Here is the result of my hard work. Actually, that's not all of it. I need more bags. And a permit to get my yard waste picked up.

Oh, home ownership. We will have a bi-polar relationship.

Sign here

That's it. The first part of my home buying journey is over.

The papers are signed and the keys are handed over. Small mishap for the buyer because he got married between now and when he put the house on the market. Maybe he should have let the lawyer know because his wife has to sign the papers too.

Minor inconvenience. Doesn't affect me. She has to sign the papers later today.

So now I go into part two of the journey -- the renovation.

My Name is Durham

It's finally all set. I close next week. Sure it's a week later than originally planned, but at least it's happening.

I found this movie clip about Durham. It makes me happy that I'm going to be a part of a community with such history.


This video was taken around 1949, about 8 years before my home was built.

Just give it to me already

I first signed all my loan application documents on Feb 28. That was three weeks ago.

Since that time I have done a lot of waiting.

The appraiser came out to the home to provide his assessment of the property now and what it will appraise for after my renovations are complete.

The result came back to my loan officer Julie on March 11. At the very end of the day on March 13 I received an email from her. The only thing it said, in the subject line was "call me first thing in the morning".

That was it. No message. No further explanation.

Unfortunately for Julie, this is par for the course. Her communication skills do not align to my expectation of good customer service.

So the morning of March 14 I call her.

Apparently the appraised value of the house after all the work is done is about $10,000 less than the purchase price plus the renovation costs. She doesn't think the loan will be approved with that much discrepancy.

"Um... ok. So what do I have to do?"

She didn't know really. She couldn't give me a good answer, other than reduce my renovation costs. Or maybe cough up more for a down payment.

So I went back to my contractor and completely cut the scope of the kitchen remodel. Goodbye quartz countertops, hello laminate. So long solid hardwood floors, welcome engineered hardwood. Take out the costs of the sink, faucet and range hood. I'll pay for that separately. Oh, and those other things you wanted done around the house, like fix some of the cracks in the brick. Nope.

All in all, I shaved about $7000 off the renovation budget. That doesn't mean that some of the things that I wanted won't get done. It just means that it wont be done from the 203K budget.

Anyway, the revised renovation estimate was sent back to Julie to resubmit for the appraisal. (I really don't know why.)

The rest of the 21st. I waited. The entire day of the 22nd I waited. I left multiple emails and voice mails for some kind of update. But no word from her.

Give it to me now!

What. The. Fuck.

In the meantime I was also playing with my financial spreadsheets, trying to understand the calculations.There are two dollar amounts from which to make that financial assessment that I was asking to borrow too much.

The first number is the purchase price plus the renovation costs. Let's call that X.

The second number is the purchase price, plus the renovation costs, minus the down payment. This is essentially the mortgage amount. Let's call that Y.

So if Julie was saying that there was a $10K discrepancy, then she was basing her calculations on X. However, if she was saying that I could offer more for a down payment, then she was basing her calculations on Y.

To me, basing the difference in value between the assessed amount and the mortgage price, value Y, is the logical choice. So with that, I'm not $10K off, I'm $4K off.

Finally on Monday the 18th I called her. She got a verbal confirmation from the lender that the reduction in renovation costs will not change his assessment. It will still appraise at the same amount. But she was still waiting on his paperwork (?) to resubmit the loan application.

From my calculations, the new mortgage price, with the reduced renovations estimate and my down payment, will bring me below the appraised value, just slightly. Which is good. But since the bank will not likely let me borrow almost 100% of the appraised value, I might still have to add a little more for down payment. But its more like $2K rather that  $5K.

To summarize, this sucks.

It sucks that I have to be nice to Julie because I need her help. Even though she is a sucky communicator and I want to hurt her every time I hear (or don't hear) from her. Even though she leaves me with more questions than answers. Even though her customer service is for crap. Even though I can send her specific questions and requests and she'll respond with a one sentence answer that didn't even reply to what I asked.

I'm supposed to close on the house in 8 days.

I'm supposed to move out of my apartment by April 30.

I'm supposed to have the kitchen work complete before I move into my house.

I'm so aggravated, I want to swing a cat around over my head by the tail.

Anorexic piggy bank

I was just about to go into the conference room at work to do some audio recording for a project that I'm working on, but it's occupied. Oh well, time to blog.

Today I meet with my lender to sign the papers and give her a check. All my spreadsheets of 'if I borrow this much then I'll have to pay this each month for 30 years' and W2s and tax returns will be coming with me.

I think I've grown numb to that future monthly housing cost. The mortgage payment will be less than what I'm paying for rent so that's not a big deal. But add on the property taxes, PMI, and home insurance... ugh.

To put it in perspective, when I was paying a mortgage, taxes, and all that crap in New Jersey for my 2 bedroom, 2.5 bath townhouse with a whole 8'x10' plot of grass in the backyard, that was about $1600. But I was also making about $20K more than I do now.

Anorexic piggy bank

Anyway, the point of that little story is that it costs less to live down here. But it doesn't make parting with money any easier.

I think of ways that I can stretch my dollar further. I can kiss my monthly massages goodbye. And hopefully I can reduce my auto costs because I'll be living 2 miles from work as opposed to 17. And I can get rid of cable.

I'm even thinking of the pleasure I'll get from cooking more meals in my BRAND NEW KITCHEN! Maybe I'll even start my own garden.

Oh I have big plans with my little house. I'm being fiscally responsible and already dreaming about the many savings accounts I can have: one for emergency savings, one for vacation, one for home improvements. Because there will be more home improvements!

Have you seen this bathroom?

I see a new vanity and toilet, bead-board wainscoting and most definitely some new paint. And that stained glass window sticker has to go. Maybe that floor, too. But that's on the To Do list. Maybe later this year. 

I've been inspired by this blog site, Our Vintage Home Love. I hope to be able to show you some of my before and afters. 

After I'm able to pay for it. 

Take my money

I got the estimate from the contractor for all the renovation work that needs to be done. Both what is required, and what I want to do with my kitchen.

This just got ten times more real. 

So on Thursday I meet with my lender and sign the loan papers. Good thing that this is all being rolled into my mortgage. 

Kitchen Dreaming

Let's talk kitchens. Because that is the main visible change that I will be doing to the home as part of my renovation.

Currently it's a mess.

There is a lot of unused space. 

The outlets are not properly grounded.

And there is this crazy access to get into the hallway that is practically unusable.

My vision is to add a wall where that access to the hallway is, creating a U-shaped kitchen.


Last week my contractors came to the house with the home inspection report in hand. They went around the property and did their assessment on the 'must fix' items that are going to be required by HUD in order to grant me my loan.

Then we talked about the kitchen. I told them of my ideas. They gave me some measurements and said my homework was to plan it out and get some estimates so I can get a better sense of what my kitchen budget was going to me.

So I went off to Home Depot and Lowes with measurements in hand and ideas in my head.

My original idea of white cabinets and dark countertop to tie in the existing white appliances was changed when I spoke with Brenda, the kitchen designer at Home Depot. She said there were a lot of shades of white, and considering the current appliances were from different manufactures their whites might not be the same shade. So trying to match different white appliances to another white cabinet might not bring the effect I was hoping for.

So that brought to thinking about painted cabinets. They would allow the white appliance to pop without having them try and be matchy-matchy. And if/when I make the upgrade to stainless one day, they will still match the style.

I loved that idea. And since my goal was to create a casual, comfortable kitchen, not a stuffy, pretentious one, color in the cabinets were the way to go.

Here is one option that I liked. Martha Stewart's Ocean Floor cabinets with Juniper Trail quartz counters.

The effect could be something like this...

Or maybe even a sunny yellow?

I'll leave the costs for all this in another post. *Sigh*

Home Inspection

Things have been moving along. I've been tackling this whole process like any project manager should. I have all my necessary items to make decisions in one place, I've been in touch with my lender, Realtor, home inspector and contractor. And all this BEFORE the deal is final.

The home inspection happened last week. I called him Monday morning to arrange a time for him to come out to the property and he was there that afternoon. How's that for quick service. 

Chris, my home inspector was wonderful. A great recommendation. He was through in his inspection and explained issues to me with patience. I asked him, "so should I be running from this house"?

His answer was no. As an older home it will have somethings to attend to, but overall it was a good house. 

There are some cracks in the brick siding, but many have shown earlier repair. This is likely due to settling of the house and repaired areas do not show indication of further cracking. I could bring in an engineer to pay closer inspection to the foundation, but his recommendation was wait and see. Pay attention to the cracks and if I notice any of then getting larger or wider, then bring in the pros. 

Along the roofline of the porch there is some rotten wood cladding. That is the only area of the roof that touches wood.

The rest of the report contained electrical and insulation stuff.  

And here is what made working with Chris even better. 

The original contract I had with his was to do the home inspection and then to be the HUD 203k Consultant to help with the (somewhat) complicated process that takes place for the 203k loan that I am applying for. I payed him in full for both services. 

Within 10 minutes of us leaving the property, he had contacted my lender. During that conversation he realized that my loan would be a Streamlined 203k loan and would not require the services of a HUD 203k Consultant. He called me to let me know that he would be refunding the cost of the Consulting fees and within 20 minutes after that he texted me a photo of the deposit slip of the refunded money back into my checking account. 

At the end of the week I had my detailed home inspection report which he also forwarded to my contractor so they can begin preparing the items that will need to be on my renovation list. 

It is very easy for me to recommend:

Chris Ferguson of Ferguson and Company. 

House ninja

Wanna know how fast I move?

Offer signed last night. Home inspector coming this afternoon.

Like a f'ing NINJA!

Home Sweet Home, Y'all

4am again. This is becoming a habit.

Well after my offer, a counter offer and a counter-counter offer, the contract is signed. One set of anxieties are over and an entirely new set of anxieties can take its place.

The house.

It is a tiny little brick bungalow. Two bedrooms, one bath. Eat in kitchen. The closets are bigger than I expected. I can stand inside each one and spin around like a maniac. There's a laundry/mud room that provides access to the fenced-in backyard.
 

If anyone who has been to my parent's home in New Jersey, mine is similar in layout and square footage to the first floor.

The layout of this kitchen is weird. There is this circular path around the kitchen, living room and hallway, but there is a strange configurations of cabinets that partially block the passage into the hallway.

None of this is anywhere to scale. 

There is also a peninsula that comes very close to the large frige across from it. The frige pushes out way farther than the cabinets which makes for another awkward space to get into the kitchen area.  

The good thing about the loan that I'm applying for is that I can incorporate renovation costs into my total borrowing amount. So barring any significant repairs that stem from my home inspection, I will invest in changing my kitchen.  

I would remove the peninsula and wall off the entry to the hallway and make a more functional u-shaped kitchen work area. Sink (in blue) on the outer wall with the dishwasher to the left. The range on the right and the fridge across from the sink. A perfect triangular workstation. 

Oh Pinterest how I love you. 

I'm looking at white shaker cabinets, with some glass front ones just because, and a white subway tile backsplash.

For the countertops, I'm thinking dark. Black would make a nice contrast. I am not a granite freak. Instead I would prefer quartz, formica or even a recycled glass countertop.

All my years of watching HGTV may have spoiled me. They make it look all so easy. But I will try to have a more realistic view.

The next step of this home buying process is to get in my home inspector. There are specific things that the home has to have before my lender will give me the money. It has to not fall down on my head and there needs to be energy reducing things going on.

Then I need to give that list to my contractor so he can take that, and all my renovation ideas, and provide a detailed estimate on all the work that will be done.

That will go back to my lender, they will finally perform an appraisal on the property as is and after renovation, and make the decision if they will lend me what I'm asking for.

All that needs to happen before March 9, the end of my due diligence period. Suddenly that seems like it's tomorrow. And its freaking me out.

Closing is set for March 29.

Too. Many. Things. Happening.

Crunching numbers

There are times where I am spontaneous and just go with the flow. Trust in the Universe and let things sort themselves out.

This is not one of those times. As my Realtor provided me comps of other homes in the neighborhood which sold within the last 10 months I pulled out my maps, spreadsheets and went to work. I was trying to decide what to put as an offer price for my home.

I compared how close the houses were to the park or the crappy side of the main road, if the kitchen and baths were updated, and how much per square foot the comps were and how much did that differ from what mine was.

Then came a balancing act. If I offer this for the sale price, and I guesstimate what the renovations will cost, what will I need for closing? What should I ask for the seller to contribute towards closing?

It didn't help that my mortgage lender wasn't as responsive as I would have liked in providing me some different pricing scenarios.

But finally this morning my Realtor submitted my offer to the seller.

And now I wait.

A contender

I've been laying here, eyes open, since 4 am. My dog just grunts and stirs then finds a new position curled next to my leg. I have been either staring at the ceiling or browsing the home decorating section of Pinterest on my phone.

My mind will not shut off.

The house hunt yesterday proved successful. The house in Trinity Park proved to need a lot more love and money than I was able to provide.

A second home in Northgate Park had much more square footage and potential, but an add on had a lot of visible damage and no telling what was not visible.

But the third, also in Northgate Park, was just right.

Brick bungalow in Northgate Park, Durham.

It's true that you can feel when the house is a right fit. As soon as we walked inside we had a really positive vibe.

The house appeared to be in very good shape. The two bedrooms were a decent size but the closets were so much larger than expected. The bathroom vanity and toilet seemed very low to the ground, but it was clean and also a good size for the home.

The kitchen was workable, but that would be my main project. I would reconfigure the workspace and cut off a narrow passage to the hall and add counter and cabinet space to open it to the eat in dining area.

There was a large laundry/pantry/mudroom off the kitchen and leading to the fenced in backyard with carport and shed. It even came with a doggie door!

Now comes the hard part, what I hate the most. Deciding on an offer price. I hate the process of negotiation. It stresses me out.

Is it priced right? Too high? What is a good offer? Do I ask for closing costs?
Then because I'm doing a 203k loan, I have to include the cost of my renovations into my borrowing amount. I have a specific total borrowing g amount that I want to stay under. So can I purchase the home, plus make the renovations all under that amount? If I put more for down payment will I stretch my cash reserves too thin?

All. The. Stress.

Plus add to finding a home inspector, a general contractor to write up the proposal for the renovations and being realistic as to what I am capable of doing myself.

I am excited. And nervous. And cautious. Oh, and excited.

Diamond in the rough

I'm seeing 4 homes today, all within 2 miles from Downtown Durham where I work. I hope one of these home are a fit because I could then (theoretically) bike to work. Think of all the gas savings!

There is one in particular that I am smitten with. I haven't been inside...yet.

From the outside, it isn't much to look at. It's a tiny little cottage: 2 bedrooms, one bath and a whopping total of 886 square feet built in 1944. But look at that cute porch!

But what it does have going for it is its location, Trinity Park. The neighborhood is charming. Full of little cottages and bungalows all with their own charm. There are no cookie-cutter homes here.

I have been doing some neighborhood reconnaissance. I've been driving by before and after work to get a feel of the neighborhood and to peek at would-be neighbors. The other day I took a walk there during my lunch break and had a change to talk to the mailman. I asked his opinion of the neighborhood.

He said it was a great place. Very diverse -- families, professors from Duke University, students. Once they get here, they don't leave. Even in the (nicely maintained) apartment buildings on the street behind the property - they don't move out.

All this is very encouraging. You gota trust the mailman who's been on the route for four years.

But then some of the interior photos caught my eye.

Hardwoods in the living room

Love that arch into the kitchen!

There is some serious potential there. I can't wait to get inside. I am so hoping that I love it. And even more hoping that the home is not suffering from major structural damage.

What I find most romantic about this house and this location is that it's right out of one of my most favorite movies, Bull Durham. My home could be one that Crash walked passed to get to Annie's from the ball park.

House Hunting

Well, hello 2013. Nice to see you. We had that Mayan 'end of the world as we know it' scare last month, you know.

Aside from the number of things that changed in 2012 (new job, got rid of Charles for good, all expense paid conference in Las Vegas) I'm now ready to concentrate on a new project. Buying a house.

It's time. I've been in North Carolina almost 3 years. And as much as I really love my apartment and where I'm living, I'm ready to make an investment and purchase a home.

I already pre-qualified for a mortgage. One of those sweet FHA loans at 3.25% and I only have to put 3.5% down.

I've decided to look in Durham.

Given my desire to keep my monthly housing costs around the $900 mark, that leaves limited options. There are townhomes that are 15 - 30 years old in the area that I'm looking in. The subdivisions are nice and have walking trails and close access to a gorgeous shopping mall. It's less than 20 minutes to work, but that's on secondary roads with lots of lights.

Or I can cross my fingers and find a detached home downtown, next to Duke University.

The homes here are absolutely charming. Little bungalows with tons of character. Neighborhoods to keep an eye on: Trinity Park and Northgate Park.

However to get into one that I can afford, I"ll be looking at a fixer-upper. But I think I'm up for the challenge.

Thirty Things

I have completely and unapologetically stole this from the blog Hopes & Dreams.

I love her idea. Here is a list of questions to ask on your first, or 21st or 2591st date.

THE LIST:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrasing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

The new sisterhood

I don't post too much here anymore. And that's ok. I'm not going to feel guilty about it.

I keep up with my off line journal (IRL) and Facebook, Twitter, Path, Instagram. I think that's ok. If you really want to know what's up, you know how to find me.

But I do want to share something that I am extremely proud of.

Last month, while out to dinner with two of my friends, I mentioned that we have been our support for trying times in our lives. And that's wonderful -- that's what friends do -- but friends are also each other's cheerleaders. We need to be able to celebrate the amazing things we do with each other, and not feel self-conscious about it.

And the idea of Brag Supper Club was born.

There are eight of us in our group of friends. All smart, independent, open-minded women who all genuinely support each other. It's rare to make close friends as you get older, and even more important to maintain those relationships that mean so much to you.

We agreed that on the last Wednesday of each month, we will rotate hosting dinner at our home. It could be potluck, or whatever. We even have culinary themed nights: Mardi Gras, Puerto Rican cooking... Our only requirement is to get together, eat, drink and be merry.

By itself, that would be enough. But I wanted to make it something more.

As it turned out, the first dinner of Brag Supper Club was last week at my house and I had something special planned.

Dinner and conversation was casual, but as soon as the pizza was done, I broke out the Brag Jar. (I can't believe I didn't take a picture!) It is a large glass jar with a lid.


As women, we often wind up taking care of other people -- co-workers, partners, family and friends -- that we can neglect our own needs. Then we become frustrated or guilty because of:
"I didn't do this..."
"I didn't finish that..."

Its time to remind ourselves that we need to pay attention to ourselves and celebrate our successes -- no matter how big or small. We are a group of women who support each other and are each other's cheerleaders.

We need to be comfortable saying "Look at me, here's what I did!"

Everybody was given a glass stone. It represented something that we wanted to brag about ourselves. We had to put in at least one, but we could include as many brags as we wanted. As we shared our brags, we added our stone to the Brag Jar.

• Claudine: Now the Campus Division Lead for the Circle of Sisterhood charity she volunteers for
• Lori: Standing up to her mom and letting her know that she doesn't see children in her future
• Kristine: Joined a gym - that she actually has to pay for!
• Kelly: Running 13+ miles this weekend
• Kristin: creating a new home for Bailey
• Kim: Supporting Savannah in her first boyfriend break-up crisis

As the months progress, we can see how our collective 'brags' add up. The next host will hold the Brag Jar until the next monthly 'meeting' of the Brag Supper Club.

In addition... as a sorority girl, I have gained much support from my organization. We essentially do the same for each other. Now that we have our own Ritual, I hereby declared ourselves Beta Sigma Chi sorority (BSC - Brag Supper Club). Our motto is "Fun, Food, Friendship"


We all received initiation certificates and in lieu of a badge, we received our own commemoration BSC stone.

Welcome to the Sisterhood!

My evening

So, how was your night?

Me? Well I woke up at 3am because I had to pee. When I open my right rye, it got stuck. My eyelid was in the way.

WTF?

I reached to feel my face and my entire right side and jaw to my left ear felt like there was concrete beneath the skin.

Really, WTF?

So I went to the bathroom and switched on the light. At first the brightness was blinding and I couldn't keep my eyes open. But when I did, this is what stared back at me from the mirror.

What the hell? Who came in and beat the shit out of my face?

So I got to thinking. Do I go to the hospital? Is there an urgent care center open? Should I wait until the morning to see a doctor.

My choices ran in my head for about a minute. There was no way I was going to be able to go back to sleep, so I let Barry out, put on some deodorant, brushed my teeth and got dressed. Then I googled the closest hospital. And off I went.

As I was driving there I wondered, do I call someone? Do I call Charles? He's only a mile from the hospital.

I went in and there were a few people waiting in the ER. I gave my info, and spoke to the triage nurse.

I told her all the medications I had taken that day. In addition to my normal meds, I was dosing up on pain meds to get rid of a headache and body aches I had had for the last two days. The last thing I took was Alka-Seltzer Cold tablets before I went to bed.

She handed me two Benedryl and I thought that these might be the most expensive Benedryl I have ever taken.

I sent out a quick text to a friend to let someone know where I was.

I waited back in the waiting room for about 30 minutes. I finally got called back by the doctor and he ran through the routine blood pressure, listening to lungs, but by this time the swelling had gone down enough where I looked human.

I was prescribed steroids and said was discharged.

As the nurse was gathering the rest of my insurance information I asked if I overreacted by coming into the ER. She said that allergies could spread quickly to the mouth and throat causing breathing problems, so I did the right thing by coming in. I think she was trying to make me feel better because I felt pretty stupid about the whole thing. Not that I was hoping for a full Scrubs episode, but I was in and out of the ER in less than an hour.

I'm glad I didn't call Charles. That would have been awkward.

Procrastination

I should be working. I should be writing content for a high-profile training course I'm working on. I should be researching correct financial terminology and supporting documentation.

I should be giving a shit.

But I just can't do it!

Instead I've been paying more attention to things that I'm more interested in. And none of it is related to my job and certainly not related to my project. This is killing me.

Just this weekend I had a mini-crisis because I felt overwhelmed and under-qualified for this project. And now I'm slacking as if I have all the time in the world.

I am a procrastinator who loves to play with fire.