Friday, May 30, 2008


'Uncontacted tribe' sighted in Amazon

Woah. Native indians in the Amazon region were sighted. These people have been living a primitive life without any contact from the modern world. It completely blew my mind to think that there are still people out there who have not been touched by outsiders.

I hope they don't get bothered. I hope that no one encroaches on their living area. I see it as hopeful that they have survived so long without us, why should we think they need us now?

Thursday, May 22, 2008

he gets to live

My cousin's son is 9 years old, and is most of the time a pain in the ass. Everyone is desperately waiting for puberty to hit him because he has this whiny, high-pitched voice that goes through me like fingernails on a chalkboard.

Last night at my mom's house for dinner, she brings out the birthday cake. On it is "Happy 35th Birthday"

He yells, "35? You're 35? I thought you were 25!"

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

On my birthday

Every year on my birthday, I have these conflicting emotions.

I'm excited that's its my day, my special day. As far as I'm concerned it should be a national holiday complete with parades, fireworks and open bar. I should wake up to rainbows and butterflies, breakfast in bed served by a hot, juicy man. I will be instantly thin, fit, tan and my hair will grow down to the middle of my back, all curly and bouncy. My eyesight will be 20/20 and I can lose the glasses and contacts. I will start my new career of rating spa retreats around the world. Yes, a very Sixteen Candles idea, I know.

Then the other feeling is more like "big deal". I start to question my accomplishments, what I've contributed back to the world, what my life goal is. The honest truth is that I don't know. I can look at the tangible things I've collected in life: a home, a car, a dog, an education, a job; but does all that add up to be a description of who I am? A consumer?

I've been paying attention to the changes of the world lately -- political, environmental, social, and it scares me. Where are we as the human race heading? There is so much to do and I wonder what can one small person like me do to change anything. It's an overwhelming feeling.

But then the birthday wishes come in from friends and family from all over. From those who are a part of my every day life and those who come and go for brief moments but make such an impact. It reminds me that I'm not insignificant, that to someone their life is affected (for better or worse) because they know me. It those thoughts that make all the difference and makes my birthday a little brighter.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

remember when...

This weekend I had the pleasure of reuniting with a bunch of coworkers from PR Newswire. We hadn't been together for almost 10 years.

We met at a bar in NYC on a rainy Friday afternoon.
PRN Interactive Crew

What was the best part is that there was no weirdness after being apart for so long. First the conversation was "What are you up to now?" and we talked about our current jobs, current lives. Then the conversation turned to Remember When....

Remember when:
  • We had a 'team building activity' to go see The X-Files movie?
  • Claudine and Sueryun would talk in that Arnold Schwarzenegger voice?
  • Andrew and Chelsea were outed as a couple?
  • Shara got a computer monitor full of silly string?
  • We would take the ferry over to World Trade Center for lunch?
  • We would drink at Markers?
Time quickly passed and soon it was 12:30am. I had to catch my train back home. By this time the rain ended so I walked with Andrew and Chelsea back to Penn Station. I walked down to NJ Transit and hopped on board a waiting train. Everything seemed perfect.

Until I fell asleep and woke up two stops past my own. A $50 cab ride later, I was back home at 3am.

The next day I met up with Andrew and Chelsea at their friends' BBQ in Pt. Pleasant. I had such a fun time. Good people, good food. And then Rock Band came into the house.

I sang (I sucked), I played guitar and I played drums. Drums were my favorite. We played until well after midnight, and for us, that was late.

Today's Horoscope

This is my horoscope for today:

There's a fight about to bust out today, and you'll be lucky enough to have a front row seat for all the action! The two warring parties, in your humble opinion, are equally in the wrong -- so this should be an interesting battle to witness! Get ready for some ridiculous mud slinging and rather petty behavior. Before this thing winds down, you'll have a much better idea of who is the lesser of these two evils. Remind yourself never to cross them in the future.
I have to say, I'm excited. A fight! And I get to just sit back at watch... and judge others. I'm so good at that!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Exes Part 1: Pat

I was going through some photos today and came across a ton that spanned my school years. I was completely taken back to each moment in time when those pictures were taken and I was filled with nostalgia. These pictures didn't deserve to be hidden away in a box in the top shelf of my closet; they needed to be treasured.

That's when I decided to start a series of posts about ex-boyfriends. My tribute to them.

I start with Pat. And for those who know him, it's only fitting that I start with him.
Pat, 1992

Me and Pat at a Springsteen concert in 1993.

Pat and I met in college during the first week of school. He lived exactly two floors below me and was in my Psych class. We got drunk many times together, pledged in the Greek system at the same time and even shared a bed a few times. Nothing ever happened then because I we were always dating someone else. Plus, he was such a good friend. It was hard to think of him otherwise. It wasn't until the summer after our freshman year where that changed.

He lived in Hazlet and I would often go down there to hang out or go to the shore. He had a motorcycle, a little Kawasaki rice-burner, but it was damn fun!

The following fall, we both moved into our sorority/fraternity houses and hung out together a lot. He was starting to ask me "Why won't you go out with me?" and I resisted because we were such close friends. But eventually I gave in. He was cute, fun and such a compliment to me; it was only a matter of time, really before we became a couple.

We dated from sophomore year all the way through my senior year. He had become not only my best friend, but a friend to everyone in my sorority. He was the 'sweetheart' for two years in a row. He was my sweetheart for longer.

But as the years went on, we started to go our separate paths. I was concentrating on getting out of college, he was concentrating on winning the Silver Keg award in his fraternity. I was the president of my sorority, he was "Dirty Pat". We went through ups and downs and ultimately I broke his heart.

The good thing is that a year later, I reached out to him out of the blue and restored our friendship. I loved him, and I believe once you truly love someone, you never really stop.

I wonder where he is now. I heard he was married and living near Keyport. I hope he's happy and doing well. I would love to get back in touch with him just to catch up on life. Patrick Corcoran, if you're out there, I'm looking for you!

Jury Duty: Part Duce

I went into the court room for jury selection. I wasn't even called to be questioned. I wouldn't have minded if I was.

The case was about a guy suing a ski company (his prior employer) for injuries sustained by using their equipment. He went over a bump, fell and got hurt because one of his skis didn't fall off like it was supposed to. They estimated the case would take about 8 days.

I'm already biased. 'Skiing is a risk. You knew that as soon as you strap on those skis. Deal with it.'

The judge was asking interesting questions to the jurors for selection.
  • Education level
  • Do you ski? Were you ever injured skiing?
  • What bumper stickers do you have on your car?
  • Favorite TV show? Favorite reading material?
  • Do you have an opinion on the amount of injury lawsuits in the legal system (Yes, I do!)
Finally the 8 jurors were selected for the trial and we were excused. But not for the day. I'm still back in the jury selection room waiting for the day to end.

Jury Doodie

I hate Jury Duty. I've been called to seal the fate of my peers today. Well, at least I've been called to sit in a room with a few hundred of others to sit and wait and be bored to death. But first we have to watch that horrible video of what happens in a court room.

I've been through this twice before.

The first time was on my birthday. I think I had turned 25. All I did was sit in a room. I didn't get called into the courtroom. I didn't get to sit on a case. All that was fine with me, but I was just annoyed that I had to waste my birthday indoors.

The second time I was called to jury duty was 4 years ago. I was called to sit on a murder trial. As inconvenient as it was to my employer, it was pretty interesting. As we deliberated in the jury room, we reenacted the event that led to the stabbing. We needed to figure out, based on the angle of the stab wound, if the thrust was intentional or in self-defense. This was the sticking point with us. Ten of us believed that the stabbing was an act of self-defense. The other two didn't. For a few days we tried to sway the two, but no luck. After a week and a half of the trial, we ended with a hung jury. I was very unsatisfying and sad.

I'm a petit juror today. I have no idea what that means.

The training video is playing now. Corny background music and an overly enthusiastic person explaining the whole process. This is the same video that I saw 4 years ago, and most likely the first time i was here.

I don't know how long I'll be in this waiting room, which means I don't know how long I'll have internet access. But I've brought other things to occupy my time: my journal, my iPod, and my book that I'm currently reading, "A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hosseini.

Already there's dissension among the jurors. There's a person who just doesn't want to be in this auditorium to watch the video. She's standing along the edge of the door, and can watch the damn thing, but according to one of the proctors, "she just has to be in the auditorium and have a seat."

Ooh, that woman is such a rebel.

I bet the woman nest to me is reading this as I type.

Hi, lady.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Good Things

I have the best horoscope today.
Things are turning around in your life. Change make take you in an unexpected direction. That person who you thought didn't know you were alive suddenly is super-chatty with you. That bill you were dreading arrives, and it's not nearly as bad as you thought! This spate of good energy might not last too long, so enjoy it while it is here! The good things happening to you might be so subtle that they are beyond comprehension, but who cares? These are good days to savor and smile.
This comes in on the tail end of a great weekend where I connected with old co-workers and my family. (I'll post about that later.)

Then this morning driving into work on a cold, rainy day Howard Jones' "New Song" came on the iPod. You know how ducks look all graceful when floating on a lake, but underneath their legs are flipping away like crazy? That was me in the car. From the window, I'm all calm, concentrating on the drive into work. But what wasn't seen was my ass shaking all over the seat.

(Ooh.. now Pete Townsend's "Let My Love Open The Door" is on and I want to dance on my table!)

So back to my horoscope. I'm glad this came up, because I FEEL that change and silliness is just around the corner. I've been stressing about car payments, bills, and other adult nonsense so much lately. It feels good to just be.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

We can be heroes

So NBC is working on creating Heroes action items. Why?

I loved this show in the first season. I was religious about tuning in every Monday to keep up. Season two was more of a let down. As far as I'm concerned, the series is over. The writers strike had a lot to do with that.

Buy why come out with the action heroes now? Is the network trying to reserect the show? I don't even know if I care about it anymore.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008


I have been filled with anxiety a lot lately. The cost of gas, the shortages of food around the world, the economy's in the shitter... and then my car started to die.

I loved my 2002 Pontiac Sunfire GT.

My Sunfire

It was stick, had a sunroof, and it was tough. But it also had over 136,000 miles. Just before I left for vacation, it decided to konk out on me and I needed to have it towed to the auto shop. A tune up, new catalytic converter and almost $1000 later, I knew it was time for a new car.

I hated the whole process of car hunting. I hated negotiating. I hated feeling that I was being taken advantage of. But what I hated most was the thought of having car payments again. For 3 1/2 years I was free of car payments. I was able to put money into savings and build my 'rainy day' money.

Now all that is changed. I bought a new car, a blue Scion TC.

My new Scion Tc
It's cute and I love it. Everything I wanted came standard on it. Stick, sunroof, cruise, iPod controls This car is totally me.

But now I have to stick to a very tight budget just to keep from going into debt. Mortgage payments, insurance, loans, food, utilities. I've had to cut the amount of money I transfer to Savings by half. And now I think student loans will start with the repayments.

I see random, spontaneous vacations slipping away. I see shopping binges slipping away. I see more brown-bagging lunch. Every purchase will need to be thought out, "do I really need this?" And what's worse is that I don't see it getting better any time soon.

I'm not living paycheck to paycheck, but its getting close. This is what keeps me up at night.