On my birthday

Every year on my birthday, I have these conflicting emotions.

I'm excited that's its my day, my special day. As far as I'm concerned it should be a national holiday complete with parades, fireworks and open bar. I should wake up to rainbows and butterflies, breakfast in bed served by a hot, juicy man. I will be instantly thin, fit, tan and my hair will grow down to the middle of my back, all curly and bouncy. My eyesight will be 20/20 and I can lose the glasses and contacts. I will start my new career of rating spa retreats around the world. Yes, a very Sixteen Candles idea, I know.

Then the other feeling is more like "big deal". I start to question my accomplishments, what I've contributed back to the world, what my life goal is. The honest truth is that I don't know. I can look at the tangible things I've collected in life: a home, a car, a dog, an education, a job; but does all that add up to be a description of who I am? A consumer?

I've been paying attention to the changes of the world lately -- political, environmental, social, and it scares me. Where are we as the human race heading? There is so much to do and I wonder what can one small person like me do to change anything. It's an overwhelming feeling.

But then the birthday wishes come in from friends and family from all over. From those who are a part of my every day life and those who come and go for brief moments but make such an impact. It reminds me that I'm not insignificant, that to someone their life is affected (for better or worse) because they know me. It those thoughts that make all the difference and makes my birthday a little brighter.