Thirty Things

I have completely and unapologetically stole this from the blog Hopes & Dreams.

I love her idea. Here is a list of questions to ask on your first, or 21st or 2591st date.

THE LIST:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrasing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

The new sisterhood

I don't post too much here anymore. And that's ok. I'm not going to feel guilty about it.

I keep up with my off line journal (IRL) and Facebook, Twitter, Path, Instagram. I think that's ok. If you really want to know what's up, you know how to find me.

But I do want to share something that I am extremely proud of.

Last month, while out to dinner with two of my friends, I mentioned that we have been our support for trying times in our lives. And that's wonderful -- that's what friends do -- but friends are also each other's cheerleaders. We need to be able to celebrate the amazing things we do with each other, and not feel self-conscious about it.

And the idea of Brag Supper Club was born.

There are eight of us in our group of friends. All smart, independent, open-minded women who all genuinely support each other. It's rare to make close friends as you get older, and even more important to maintain those relationships that mean so much to you.

We agreed that on the last Wednesday of each month, we will rotate hosting dinner at our home. It could be potluck, or whatever. We even have culinary themed nights: Mardi Gras, Puerto Rican cooking... Our only requirement is to get together, eat, drink and be merry.

By itself, that would be enough. But I wanted to make it something more.

As it turned out, the first dinner of Brag Supper Club was last week at my house and I had something special planned.

Dinner and conversation was casual, but as soon as the pizza was done, I broke out the Brag Jar. (I can't believe I didn't take a picture!) It is a large glass jar with a lid.


As women, we often wind up taking care of other people -- co-workers, partners, family and friends -- that we can neglect our own needs. Then we become frustrated or guilty because of:
"I didn't do this..."
"I didn't finish that..."

Its time to remind ourselves that we need to pay attention to ourselves and celebrate our successes -- no matter how big or small. We are a group of women who support each other and are each other's cheerleaders.

We need to be comfortable saying "Look at me, here's what I did!"

Everybody was given a glass stone. It represented something that we wanted to brag about ourselves. We had to put in at least one, but we could include as many brags as we wanted. As we shared our brags, we added our stone to the Brag Jar.

• Claudine: Now the Campus Division Lead for the Circle of Sisterhood charity she volunteers for
• Lori: Standing up to her mom and letting her know that she doesn't see children in her future
• Kristine: Joined a gym - that she actually has to pay for!
• Kelly: Running 13+ miles this weekend
• Kristin: creating a new home for Bailey
• Kim: Supporting Savannah in her first boyfriend break-up crisis

As the months progress, we can see how our collective 'brags' add up. The next host will hold the Brag Jar until the next monthly 'meeting' of the Brag Supper Club.

In addition... as a sorority girl, I have gained much support from my organization. We essentially do the same for each other. Now that we have our own Ritual, I hereby declared ourselves Beta Sigma Chi sorority (BSC - Brag Supper Club). Our motto is "Fun, Food, Friendship"


We all received initiation certificates and in lieu of a badge, we received our own commemoration BSC stone.

Welcome to the Sisterhood!

My evening

So, how was your night?

Me? Well I woke up at 3am because I had to pee. When I open my right rye, it got stuck. My eyelid was in the way.

WTF?

I reached to feel my face and my entire right side and jaw to my left ear felt like there was concrete beneath the skin.

Really, WTF?

So I went to the bathroom and switched on the light. At first the brightness was blinding and I couldn't keep my eyes open. But when I did, this is what stared back at me from the mirror.

What the hell? Who came in and beat the shit out of my face?

So I got to thinking. Do I go to the hospital? Is there an urgent care center open? Should I wait until the morning to see a doctor.

My choices ran in my head for about a minute. There was no way I was going to be able to go back to sleep, so I let Barry out, put on some deodorant, brushed my teeth and got dressed. Then I googled the closest hospital. And off I went.

As I was driving there I wondered, do I call someone? Do I call Charles? He's only a mile from the hospital.

I went in and there were a few people waiting in the ER. I gave my info, and spoke to the triage nurse.

I told her all the medications I had taken that day. In addition to my normal meds, I was dosing up on pain meds to get rid of a headache and body aches I had had for the last two days. The last thing I took was Alka-Seltzer Cold tablets before I went to bed.

She handed me two Benedryl and I thought that these might be the most expensive Benedryl I have ever taken.

I sent out a quick text to a friend to let someone know where I was.

I waited back in the waiting room for about 30 minutes. I finally got called back by the doctor and he ran through the routine blood pressure, listening to lungs, but by this time the swelling had gone down enough where I looked human.

I was prescribed steroids and said was discharged.

As the nurse was gathering the rest of my insurance information I asked if I overreacted by coming into the ER. She said that allergies could spread quickly to the mouth and throat causing breathing problems, so I did the right thing by coming in. I think she was trying to make me feel better because I felt pretty stupid about the whole thing. Not that I was hoping for a full Scrubs episode, but I was in and out of the ER in less than an hour.

I'm glad I didn't call Charles. That would have been awkward.

Procrastination

I should be working. I should be writing content for a high-profile training course I'm working on. I should be researching correct financial terminology and supporting documentation.

I should be giving a shit.

But I just can't do it!

Instead I've been paying more attention to things that I'm more interested in. And none of it is related to my job and certainly not related to my project. This is killing me.

Just this weekend I had a mini-crisis because I felt overwhelmed and under-qualified for this project. And now I'm slacking as if I have all the time in the world.

I am a procrastinator who loves to play with fire.

Perception is a funny thing.

Today a coworker 1 sent me an IM about coworker 2. Coworker 1 (he) said coworker 2 (she) was an idiot.

Now I love some good gossip, but I asked him:

Any hard facts? Because based on her actions, she's pretty competent.

Him: Really? Ok. It's only conversation I've had. Nothing I can use to back it up with. It's just me and my 'male' twisting of stuff. Cool.

me: Oh no... I judge people like it's my job... but she's pulled her weight and then some.

Him: ok cool. Viewpoint changed.


So I thought about this. And it makes me happy that I was able to stop the gossip train and stand up for someone.

Did she deserve to be called an idiot? No. Especially since she had done nothing to warrant that impression. And if me pretty much asking him if he could prove it made him realize that he had nothing to go on, then I feel a little powerful about that. And in a good karmic way.

Women need to stand up for each other. Because we already have obstacles in the workplace. If we allow people to bash our sisters, even with reason, then we bring all women down.

Vacation prep

I'm on a plane to Mexico tomorrow for 5 days in an all-inclusive hotel with my Carolina girls. Its the emotional vacation I've been needing.

The problem is that work's deadline doesn't stop and a huge deliverable of mine is due the day after I get home. The other problem, I don't have all the source material I need from the client to complete my piece of the deliverable. So inevitably I will have to bring my laptop and do some work over vacation. I am most definitely not thrilled.

I'm also not happy about the stress that I go through in the days/hours before I take off. Planning for dog care, packing, do I have all my meds, taking care of work and personal responsibilities before I peace out.

I won't be able to breathe comfortably until I'm past TSA security and sitting on the floor of the gate waiting to board. But then I'll have to whip out my laptop and do some writing.

Today's Horoscope

The hottest thing in your life right now sure isn't the weather, and it's not your love life. No, all the heat's being generated from the fresh ideas brimming from your head! So grab some paper, pens, crayons, a video camera -- whatever you feel like using to dig out your ideas. Songs, poems, stories, even silly 'to do' lists are all valid forms of expression right now. Unearthing what's deep inside of you is your biggest challenge today.

Damn right, its definitely not my love life. But, really, that's ok. My head is full of creative stuff. Too much it feels like. I'm about to explode.

Not a Moleskin

I haven't written with any sense of consistency online or in my journal. I just haven't really felt it. But I did feel bad about it.

I think my old journal had some bad mojo. So I got rid of it even though I wasn't even half way through writing in it.

My new journal is an Ecosystem journal. I like the color and I like that it's made from recycled material.

I hope that it has good vibes.

Setting myself free

I've been feeling this emptiness in me. It's nothing new, I think it may be cyclical. But this longing for something is back.

In the past I thought it meant that it was a signal for changes to come. That I had to do something different, or try something new, or travel someplace exciting to fill the void in me. This time I'm not sure exactly what it means.

I don't feel like running away, and I don't feel like retail therapy because I already know that's not going to make me feel better. And I can't even say that a perfect relationship will be the solution.

I was in B&N, roaming the aisles like I normally do when I feel my soul is lost and I found this book, Ten Poems to Set You Free. In the book jacket I read this:

Ten Poems to Set You Free inspires you to claim the life that is truly yours. In today's world it is deceptively easy to lose sight of our direction and the things that matter and give us joy. How quickly the days can slip by, the years all gone, and we, at the end of our lives, mourning the life we dreamed of but never lived.

I read that and thought YES! That's it! I feel like I've lost direction, the reason for looking for the joy. And I want it back.

The poems in the book speak to me. And the author's interpretation of the meaning of the poems are like constant ah-ha moments for me.

Listen, are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?
(Mary Oliver, 'Have You Ever Tried To Enter The Long Black Branches?')

That one line is like a slap in the face.


But I think this time, for now at least, I need to just absorb myself in this feeling. To not try and fix it, but let it surround me and envelop me. And maybe I'll find the secret of my soul. And it will tell me what I need to do to find the joy.

Noticing the little things

I think I may be on to something.

It's ok to allow someone to do something for you, even when you're fully capable of doing it yourself.

My car needs to be inspected before I renew the registration. I've never done it before in North Carolina, so I wasn't sure if I could just take it anywhere, or if I had to bring it into a DMV location like I have to in NJ. So I asked Charles about it.

He offered to take my car in to get inspected while I was away this weekend. (He's also taking me to and from the airport.).

I had intended to bring my car in to get inspected during lunch today. I could take it to pretty much any Jiffy Lube or mom-and-pop auto store. But when he offered I saw something more than a kindly offer. I saw him saying "I want to take care of you."

If I had said , "no worries. I can do it" it would have been seen as more than don't go through the trouble. I would have rejected his offer of taking care of me.

But by agreeing, and recognizing how nice it is of him to do that, its the same as me saying, "I want us to be partners again."

Small steps, I know. But I'm noticing the small things that I would have otherwise overlooked.

Yet another workplace rant

I know I'm an asshole work. I've come to terms with it. Most of the time I try to curb my asshole tendencies and try to be more open to the needs of other people. It doesn't always work.

It's not often when I get really invested in a project and very passionate about what I'm delivering. In the training world, there is a science to preparing content so it can be absorbed by a learner. So there are deliberate approaches that I take to help with content delivery.

Now I know, in the grand scheme of things, what I do for a living is not life-changing. Ultimately someone is paying me to do a specific task. My 'expert opinion' may or may not be desired. And that can often change in mid-project. But yesterday was one of those days where I wanted to win an argument. I wanted to be correct, but I knew the end result would only screw me.

The debate wasn't even with my client, but with the account manager. I had displayed some questions that were going to be asked to the class in a different way from the 'standard template'. When questioned, I provided my reasons; that the delivery of this particular session did not fit what that 'standard template' would provide and gave reasons and examples.

Turns out it didn't matter.

From the account rep:

If you do not have time to do this or don’t agree, then that is fine. We will make the adjustments ourselves and provide to [the client]. 

Which is basically a "fuck you, we're going to change it to what we want anyway, with or without you.

HULK SMASH!!

So I shut up and made the stupid change that the account rep wanted. And I was fuming!

And then I wondered why? Why am I letting something so minor as this bother me?

I don't like people telling me what to do. Especially when I don't agree with them. That's a given.

But I especially hate it when this 'advice' comes from right field. Where their only reason is 'because this is how we do it'. Where higher order thinking is discarded and robot action takes over.

I had a massage scheduled last night. After the day, I was so looking forward to just relaxing and letting the stress of that one conversation melt away. Didn't really work because damn if I wasn't getting pissed off all over again thinking about it.

Don't get me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Today's Horoscope

This day will be very placid -- with no noticeable highs or lows. But while there will be no major excitement (good or bad) today, you will find it hard to shake the feeling that things are about to change in a major way. As usual, your instincts are absolutely correct. Today is like the calm before the storm, so batten down the hatches and lay in some supplies. Very soon, there's gonna be a major shake-up!

My horoscope has been right today so far. Absolutely nothing going on. At work, at home. I wonder what this shake up is going to be about. I could use some excitement right about now.

Guess how i'm feeling

bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored.

Yawn.

I'm sailing! I'm a sailor

I've always wanted to learn how to sail. So when the "I've Always Wanted To..." meetup group offered a sailing lesson, I signed up immediately.

Saturday at noon, the class started at Lake Johnson in Raleigh.  There were 8 of us in the 6 hour class. Our instructor was Margaret, a 77 year old woman who had been sailing and teaching it since she was 17. So with 50+ years of being on the water, she was a firecracker.

We learned on Sunfish sailboats, a cute little boat that skims easily across the water.

There's nothing quite like catching the wind in your sail and taking off. One hand on the tiller and one hand on the line holding the sail taut. I was a sailor!



I will definitely be doing this again.

Smart Cookie

I love it when even I actually believe that I know what I'm talking about with clients at work. And I sound all authoritative and make the client do some action items.

Power corrupts.

On again, off again is now on again.

Today's Horoscope

Sorting will be a rewarding, energizing activity for you today. So seek out a confusing set of materials or information and get to work! You'll get a big boost out of making sense of a situation that would only confuse most other people. Looking at the big picture and finding the areas you want to explore and the areas you want to avoid will be easy for you, so why not offer your services to a confused friend, relative or coworker? He or she will be mighty grateful! 

Oh, it's been a while since I posted here. But I've been busy. A few weeks ago I attended my sorority's National Convention where I was asked to present as a keynote speaker about technology; specifically how technology and social media can be used to market us to a broader audience.

If you want to read all about it, check out my other blog.

Work has started to pick up as well. And that's why today's horoscope is especially relevant. My latest project is to develop training for new users of a complex order validation tool. I had a call with a few experts of the tools and process and I was quickly overwhelmed. They were jumping around from topic to topic, moving quickly through tools and I was trying to keep up. But I had to keep asking, "wait, what does that mean? How did you get there?"

As an instructional designer, I often describe my work as translator. I have to translate the wealth of information, sometimes useless garbage, into something that will be useful to a newbie. I have to wade through the 'nice to know' and cull it down to the 'need to know'. This isn't always an easy concept to sell when the experts believe that everything they say is must know information.

But that's like trying to brush your teeth with a fire hose. Too much, too soon.

However it's a challenge and I like challenges. Bring it on.

Today's Horoscope

In your professional life, things are definitely going to improve in terms of how well you work with others. For a while now, you have been held back in many business situations that involved other people. But today, whatever (or whoever) was holding you back will be gone. Suddenly, you will have a lot more control over your schedule, over what you can say, and most importantly over whom you can say it to. This upswing in your independence might startle you at first, but keep going. 

Well, this sounds promising.

I've been in a funk last week. Without divulging too much details, I was very discouraged and lost enthusiasm for something I was very excited for. After a few days to let the dust settle, I realize that my attitude is more my own issue than the direct actions of someone(s) else, but it has affected me just the same.

It all comes down to I don't like someone else telling me what to do. Not when I have a vision and when I am working towards something that I believe in. Something that was bigger than me and had nothing to do with me.

But in the middle of my stride, I was tripped and now I just want to take my toys and leave this playground that now seems very restricted.

And I'm not even talking about work.

My professional life has been going very well. I'm on a project working with a woman who I respect and enjoy collaborating with. I get to think creatively and problem solve. And above all, I'm getting the positive feedback that I'm looking for. I feel good about where I am and about what I do.

By nature I am very independent. Some may see that as callous or introverted. But in the absence of leadership, I will take over. I will do things my way and do it quickly.

Today's Horoscope

It's admirable that you're so willing to work with others to get things done -- your teamwork ethic is to be applauded. However, today you realize that if you want something, you might need to elbow your way to the front of the line to get it. It's not about putting yourself ahead of others -- it's about knowing when to grab control and make things happen. No one is going to seek you out and hand things to you on a silver platter (even though you deserve it). Work for what you want. 

Its interesting that this is my horoscope today. Because I'm still feeling lie there's something I need to do, to get started, and that there's something or someone that's holding me back from my full potential. 

It's a little discouraging.

Lead, follow or get out of my way

When I really get into a project, I like to take it with both hands and run with it. In my head I see the big picture and all the little steps it will take to get me there. My advice to people around me is to just get out of my way.

I have no problem asking for help when I need it, and sometimes a gentle reminder that there are others waiting to be given something to do will encourage me to spread the wealth. But what I hate are those who second guess or hold up my progress.

I have been very excited about some personal projects that I've been working on. In one, I have full creative license for all the marketing and social media exposure. I love it.

In the other, I'm on a much shorter chain. And I don't love it. It discourages me because again I see the big picture of how my efforts are all to increase exposure for my organization, bring in members and improve communications among our members. And I don't want to wait for others to get in my way. When I'm on a roll, I want to just GO!

These brakes are just holding me down.