Him: Hey,what are you doing this evening? I have to be in Raleigh by 7 and done there by 9, want to hang out?
I think it's safe to say that we're on our way to becoming friends.
My "I am loving my life despite the crap we went through" email didn't derail the friendship process. In fact I think it opened the doors to be able to talk calmly and openly about the shit that went down.
Him: I thought we would work past this and keep seeing each other. Nope, it didn't work out that way. I felt confused and angry because you dropped me, however I do understand that you felt the same way. And I do care about you, and yes I love you.My evening started with a great massage at a little hole-in-the-wall spa in town. Faith, my masseuse was awesome. She worked out my knots between my shoulder blades, loosened my hamstrings and hips and the scalp massage turned me into butter.
"Be careful driving home," she warned. She wasn't kidding. I was so relaxed, so fuzzy, so chill. I needed a shower to wash off the yummy smelling oils and it was already after 8pm. I texted Charles that I was way too relaxed to leave my house so he'd have to come over if he wanted to hang.
In my head, I was planning the first thing I would say to break the ice. "Wanna just have sex to get that tension out of the way?"
Turns out I didn't need so say that because when he showed up, there wasn't any tension. Except when he said how fat Barry got. I told Barry to bite him again.
You know what? Him being in my apartment, surrounded by my things, sitting on my couch was pretty cool.
"It probably wasn't a good idea for me to move in with you when I came down," I started with. "That was way too much change to get used to."
He thought for a second. "We made the best decision we could with the information we had available to us."
We had a good talk. It wasn't all that deep or accusatory. It was like dissecting a movie that we just saw in the theater. Almost as if it wasn't our own lives we were talking about.
"If you had one last thing to say to me, what would it be?"
I thought about it for a second. "I have to thank you for getting me here. I came for you, but I stayed for me. I like it here. I think its where I needed to be."
"Yeah, I think everything happens for a reason. But come on, you're smart. I know you had a plan up your sleeve even before you sold your house. " Sometimes he's more insightful than I give him credit for.
"How about you? What have you been waiting six months to tell me?"
"Hmm. I'm gonna need more time to think about this."
After about 10 minutes passed I asked again.
"I'm really sorry about the way we broke up. We were both so angry and you tore out of the driveway. I didn't expect to hear from you ever again. Then you called me a coward..."
"Yeah. I didn't expect that to happen. I thought when I moved out that it would actually be better. But then I got your 'we have to talk' text and I thought 'fuuuuuck'. I knew."
We hung out on the couch, filling each other in on the last six months. He could hardly believe that it had been that long. "Yes, it's six months. I just signed a new lease."
"Can friends hug", he asked me.
Yes, apparently we can.
I laid in his arms on the couch for a long time. It was comfortable. But you know what? It was just a hug. I didn't feel the urge to rip off his pants and pull him into my bedroom. I was happy to just lay there for a little while, and when he left, that was fine. It was what I wanted.
And that's a good thing.