Monday, February 14, 2011

My valentine's day

It started with an email to Charles yesterday.

I hope you and your family are doing well. I'm wishing you an early valentine's day. I would really like us to be friends.

take care-
It was just before lunch on a gorgeous Sunday as I was walking Barry in the park. The sun was shining brightly, the world was warming up and all around me people were basking in the warmth walking, flying kites, feeding the ducks.

I was having a great day, actually a great weekend, and I was on this emotional high and full of gratitude for all that I've been through and what I've become because of it.

I guess I was also a bit nostalgic for Valentine's Day approaching.

He replied quickly. (I've fixed all the spelling mistakes because it just drives me crazy.)
Thank you! My friends are here for me, through sickness in my family, through death, and even battles with ex-wife over the last four months. However, my acquaintances are just fly-by-night kind of people. I guess I could call them friends, but my real friends don't walk away and leave me when I most need them. But it's a nice gesture to say you want to be my friend, thank you. Which friend would you like to be?
I don't want to be 'just that girl you used to know'. I'd like to be someone you can call a friend, not an acquaintance. But I think we'd have to define that together.
This was getting interesting...

I told him I was in the park soaking up the sun with Barry and if he wanted to come join me, that would be fine. He was meeting with a Realtor shortly so he couldn't come meet me but,
There's so much I wanted to share with you but, I don't even know if you care.
The email conversations went on through the day. He said that he would love to see me. So plans were made for him to come over for pizza and we'd talk this out.

Plans changed and 7 pm turned into 7:45 which turned into 9pm, which turned into nothing at all. And the emails seems to take a weird turn.

Him: So why are you getting in touch with me now?
Me: I was thinking of you recently and didn't want there to be bad blood between us. I really wanted us to friends.
Him: What changed your mind? I have not heard anything from you, so really why?
Me: I have no hidden agenda. I had long stopped being upset and hoped you did too.

Bedtime quickly approached and I had a bunch of pizza to put away. I wasn't angry, or depressed or even let down. I was just absorbing the absurdity of it.

Morning came and Barry licked my nose as his valentine's day kiss.

Feeling good, I put on my new blazer, bright pink tank top, a cute scarf, a pair of jeans and my black leather boots. I looked cute. And it was going to be almost 70 F today. The day was lookng up.

At work, I had email waiting for me.
Happy Valentines day. So do you have any planes tonight like a romantic dinner for two or just hot sex on the sofa. haha. so what are you doing?
I had convinced him to come pick me up on the Harley for lunch. I drove home to get my helmet.
Him: Hell just take the rest of the day off and we can play
Me: One step at a time, cowboy.
I heard the roar of the bike's engine before I saw him. He looked pretty bad-ass driving up on his motorcycle wearing his black leather jacket.

I couldn't help but smile when I saw him. I was a mess of butterflies and calm. I gave him a hug hopped on the back and held on.

We rode for a little bit. I gripped him with my legs and held on to the pockets in his jacket. I leaned my chin on his left shoulder, partly to block the wind and party because it just felt familiar. We got a quick bite at a chinese restaurant and ate outside.

Our discussion wasn't deep or ventured anywhere into the territory of "what the hell happened to us six months ago?". It was light and surface skimming, how's the family, how's the kids, how's work.

It was strange, but not uncomfortable. More like a deja vu. We rode back with his hand reached back on my knee as I held on behind him.

When Charles finally brought me back to work after lunch he asked me if I had plans tonight. I actually have plans with girlfriends even though they were loosely defined. He said that if I finish early enough, he'd like to see me.

"It was really nice seeing you. It was pretty bad-ass of you to come pick me up at work on the bike. Thank you."

And as I turned to walk away he told me. "I still love you, you know."

Dammit. I still loved him too.

1 comment:

  1. The romantic in me swoons. The cynic in me guffaws. When I'm in your shoes, both go off at the same time and I get a whole lot of crazy in my head.

    Wherever the path ahead leads, I hope it makes you happy. And if he fucks up, I will drive my ass down to NC and beat him up.