More process, please.

I just sat through a 70 minute WebEx listening to someone talk about an elaborate Excel template he created to manage project plans. All I could think of was Microsoft Project and how it does all that was demonstrated right out of the box.

Then there were so many tools and templates and processes and hoops to jump through... only to learn that as an Instructional Designer, I don't even have to do that. Its for the Project Managers.

What a colossal waste of time.

I got more out of the snarky IMs back an forth with a colleague than from the meeting.

Duke Gardens

Every time I explore the Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill area, I find something that makes me love North Carolina even more.

Yesterday my group of girlfriends who I call the Carolina Girls (they're a separate group from my sorority sisters but who are equally as awesome) all met at Duke Gardens for a picnic. The day started off gray and a little chilly, but the sky eventually cleared up and turned very warm.

We found a bench at the edge of a huge open space and laid out our picnic spread: chicken salad, mixed greens, fruit, cheese, french bread, chocolate cake and mimosas. It was a lovely, relatively healthy and easy meal. This was not your typical peanut butter and jelly picnic. We had some style.

We lounged on our picnic blankets and tailgating chairs and chatted for four hours as we sipped our mimosas and watched families playing on the lawn. In the distance a string orchestra played for the Duke University alumnae weekend event and the Easter Bunny even made an appearance.

It was such an enjoyable afternoon. I was gastronomically and mentally satisfied as I was stuffed with good food, good conversation and good company. I didn't really want to move because that would have required me to unbutton my pants.

At 3:30 in the afternoon, we reluctantly gathered ourselves and our belongings and as Kristin called it, "headed back into reality". As the ladies went back to their cars, I wandered around the tulip garden a little bit longer to admire the color display.

Soloist

Carolina Ballet

I read a post recently about the pleasures of doing things alone, things most of my friends would never do. Last night I did exactly that.

I was having a day. It was gray, cold and I was feeling pretty blue (which is another post entirely). But I was determined not to sit and mope in my apartment in my pajamas all day. I was invited out to dinner with a good friend, but I wasn't in the mood for being good company. I just wanted to enjoy a solitary moment, but in the company of others.

So I did a search of events in Raleigh and Carmen was being performed by the Carolina Ballet. Perfect.

My last minute decision paid off. I got balcony, first row seats - the most perfect seats, really - for only half price. The show wasn't sold out and the ticket booth woman was very kind.

I can't say that I'm a particular fan of ballet or opera, but I do appreciate the arts and the skill, discipline that goes into it and the beauty that comes out of it. The passion that the dancers (or musicians, actors, painters.... whatever it happens to be) put into their art is so strong and so moving, that it has often brought me to tears.

In the dark, alone, with a few hundred other people, I was memorized by the strength of the people who danced on stage. The principles who made it look so effortless. And I was distracted by the men who has their junk crammed into their tights.

When the show was over and the dancers gave their final bows, I felt satisfied with myself. I was glad that I'm not afraid to explore and be on my own. And I wondered how many things I would have missed if I needed to wait for someone to accompany me on adventures.

The Four Agreements

I just finished reading a new book, "The Four Agreements" by don Miguel Ruiz.

I've been in this self-awareness, soul searching, happiness-finding mode lately and this book was recommended to me.

I love it.

Ruiz, a Mexican shaman of the Toltec wisdom, a way of life that embraces spirit and honors all the spiritual masters who have taught on the earth.

The premise is very Matrix-like: the world we think we live in is a dream built on the rules and opinions of others. Because we only know what is taught to us, these ways of thinking, these 'agreements' have falsely defined us.

But one we learn to shed these false and negative 'agreements' that have wrongly defined us, we can invite new agreements that can lead us to a life of personal freedom.

The four agreements are:

• Be Impeccable With Your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
• Don't Take Anything Personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
• Don't Make Assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
• Always Do Your Best: Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret. 

This has made a tremendous impact on me and how I work through situations that are unpleasant. It's not something you read once and put away, but something I think I will keep coming back to.

Fun at work

Silly posters have been popping up at work. I like these silly little surprises.

A quick update

I've been quiet about how Charles and I are doing. And that's on purpose.

In a word, we're doing ok. Actually, we're doing really well. So I guess that's two words.

He's a bit of a moment of clairity that I had recently that I shared with him:

I've been acting like a know-it-all and haven't been very receptive to others opinions sometimes. But I'm realizing that learning is growing and that's a good thing. I don't want to know it all because that means that I've stopped growing. And I see that there is so much you can show me And I can learn from you.

So, it's an evolving thing. And I'm happy.

Just a grouch

I think I might have a problem. I think I might be an asshole.

Really, I might need to join AA - Assholes Anonymous.

My asshole-ness really comes out at work. Especially during meetings. I can't stand the (completely not funny) banter that happens before the actual meeting begins - even though the meeting started 10 minutes previously.

It's even worse during conference/WebEx calls. Thank god I don't turn my video camera on. Otherwise everyone would see me rolling my eyes from the stupid comments and flipping the bird at the people who haven't prepared for the meeting.

My real pet peeve is people who waste my time. Whether I'm in the middle of developing a project or just surfing on the web, I can't stand it when someone tries to take my time when he/she is not providing any value to me.

Because really, it all comes down to what's in it for me.

I don't know if it's because I'm a yankee who's now in the south and things are just different here. Maybe not because I was just as impatient back in New Jersey.

A second job?

One of the things that keep us (mentally) young is to explore new things.

I explored a chair dancing / pole dancing class.

It was actually a workout class, and damn if I'm not sore. All those squats and hip gyrations and those fireman swings around the pole.

The best part about this class is that it was all women. Real women. With curves.

It was fun to not worry about what you look like or who's looking at you. There weren't even mirrors in the room so you couldn't see if you looked like an idiot.

The class was at a gym in downtown Raleigh. Aradia Fitness has a studio in one of the gym's rooms and from the ceiling are suspended silk ribbons for another class. They also have another location closer to me and I really think that I'll be checking them out for more classes. This was way too fun.

See the video about Aradia Fitness.

The Scrap Exchange

I was in Durham this weekend for the farmer's market and was strolling around when I came upon this ridiculous elephant.

Intrigued, I wandered into the door and found this magical place called The Scrap Exchange.

The Scrap Exchange is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization whose mission is to promote creativity, environmental awareness, and community through reuse.

We collect materials from hundreds of individuals, businesses, industries, and municipal sources and distribute those materials through our retail store in Durham, North Carolina as well as through workshops, parties, and outreach events across the Southeast.

This was such a fun place to explore. There were giant blue bins of...stuff, or crap, depending on how you see it.

There were cassette tape holders, wire, bumper stickers, computer keyboards (without the keys), puzzle pieces, plastic things, and other stuff that I really didn't recognize. Then in the back were piles of fabric just waiting to be used in something wonderful.

You could use one of the different sizes of bags and fill it up from the blue bins for a specific dollar amount.

Or you can just purchase things separately. They even have workshops where you can get creative and make stuff from the things you find. That's sounds like a great birthday part to me.

Expressing my creative side

Last night my alum group went to a local paint studio for a painting lesson. Well, it was more of an evening of copying what the instructor was doing, while drinking wine, eating cheese and cookies and doing a lot of laughing.

I started by painting the sky. The original had a vertical streaky sky and looking at it now, I don't really like it. If I could do it over I wouldn't make it streaky.

The grass was done in the same fashion as the sky. I cheated and flipped my canvas upside down to paint the grass.

Then I added in white gloppy things to indicate where my poppies were going to be. And to make a base to allow the colors to pop better against the grass.

There are a few colors I missed taking a picture of, but on the poppies are washes of yellow, orange and red.

Finished off the poppies with brown and purple centers and some white and blue swirlies just for visual interest.

I added in some leaves, clouds and voila! The finished, and signed, project.

Everyone with their masterpieces.

Need a getaway

Ever feel like you need a time-out? A break away from life just to breathe in nature and recharge your batteries?

But where to go? Beach or mountains?

Must-haves for the Bachelor Finale

Rum-infused chocolate cupcakes

Prosecco

Daytona Bike Week

The School of Essential Ingredients

Cover of The School of Essential Ingredients

What did she do that made her happy? The question implied action, a conscious purpose. She did many things in a day, and many things that made her happy, but that Clare could tell, wasn't the issue. Nor the only one, Clare realized. Because in order to consciously do something that made you happy, you'd have to know who you were. Trying to figure that out these days was like fishing on a lake on a moonless night -- you had no idea what you would get.

"The School of Essential Ingredients", Erica Bauermeister

I just finished the book "The Happiness Project". I liked it so much that I bought a paperback copy for myself last night. But Charles has it right now. I let him borrow it because he was interested in it after I described it to him.

So now I'm reading a new book, "The School of Essential Ingredients" by Erica Bauermeister. I'm only 35 pages in, but it reminds me of "Chocolat" and "Like Water for Chocolate"where the food takes on magical qualities. So far, so good.

But I was especially taken aback by the paragraph above about happiness. It seems to be a recurring theme for me lately, and something that I've been taken much more to heart.

Finding happiness is an action. And something that requires constant thought. Because when you get complacent, and just 'go with the flow', you risk the chance of letting it go or taking it for granted. You need to constantly ask yourself, or remind yourself, 'what makes you happy?' and do it.  Self-sacrifice and giving into the whims of other people, if that takes you away from what truly makes you happy, will ultimately break you.

I don't want to be broken. I'm just starting to enjoy how I put myself back together. I've gotten to know myself again and I'm ready to let the world know.

But I'll start with one man.

A good morning

I know, I haven't posted anything about bike week yet. Get over it. A video is coming.

But today I had a date. A breakfast date.

We met at Panera an hour before I had to go to work for coffee and quiches. It was fun, and light and there were a lot of smiles.

And it was good.

Three second decision

Friday. 4:00 pm. The phone rings.

It's Charles.

"Hello?"

"You haven't checked your email!"

"um..."

"I'm about to ride into Daytona. You need to get on a plane and come down here."

Three second pause...

"Ok. Let me check Expedia and call you back."

"Pack light."

With barely hesitation, I was looking for flights to get me from Raleigh to Daytona that night. Because he called me and wanted me to be there. And there was nowhere else that I would rather be.

I know the things I said and the things he said. And I haven't changed my mind about how I want to spend my time doing things that I enjoy.

But in those three seconds it took me to decide I knew that we would have fun, it would be an adventure and it would make me happy. Which are generally the requirements for most crazy-ass shit that I do.

So after some searching, I booked myself on a flight the next day. I'd be in Daytona Saturday afternoon. Just 24 hours from then.

It would be either a really good decision, or a really bad decision. There would be no in between.

Surprise weekend

What did you do this weekend?

Me, I went to Daytona for Bike Week. To meet up with Charles. And it was awesome!

 

More to come, I promise!

Dolphin smiles

I have a tattoo. Its of a dolphin.

I got it in college for two reasons. First is that my big sister has a dolphin tattoo and her big sister has a dolphin tattoo. (My little sister's little sister has one, too.) But I wasn't just being a follower.

The second reason that I got a dolphin tattoo is that I actually like dolphins.

In school, I took up the mantra, "live like a dolphin and always wear a smile." I think it worked because I had a pretty good and pretty positive college experience.

I think its time for me to bring that mantra back. As part of this happiness project, I need to remind myself that smiles are contagious. And even though I can be thinking I want to pummel you in the head with my bare fists, if I just smile at you, the fury may just subside.

Gal Pal Auction

Emcee at the Gal Pal Auction

Last night I went with my friend Lori to a Gal Pal auction to benefit the Dress for Success organization. Their mission is:

is to promote the economic independence of disadvantaged women by providing professional attire, a network of support and the career development tools to help women thrive in work and in life.

There were plenty of goods and services available for the silent auction and some really awesome things available for the live auction. Lori scored a week at a vacation home in the outer banks for $900.

As I looked around this room full of women, it struck me again how when we band together, we can accomplish great things.

The last auction item of the night was a pair of tickets to see Diana Ross at the Durham Performing Arts Center; orchestra center. But before the bidding started, everyone had to get in the Diana Ross vibe.

My venn diagram

I have quite an interesting group of women who are a part of my life here in North Carolina. I have four distinct groups of friends. At least, there will be four once softball season begins.