Saturday, April 16, 2005

One of my proudest moments

On the evening of my 21st birthday, I was visiting my sorority sister in Stone Harbor, a cute beacy-trendy shore town in New Jersey. Sam had been spending her summers here for years so she had tons of local friends. We spend the evening in the Snickers Bar and I had my customary 21 shots. Somewhere around shot 9, I had a bad Kamakasi experience and went into the bathroom where I projectile vomited into the corner of the stall. I think I was more amazed with the distance I covered than the fact that I pubiclly threw up in a bar bathroom.

Like a movie shown in fast forward, the rest of the evening was a blur, until I was finally and safely sleeping on the couch of Sam's beach house. Then the stomach rumbling began.

In the middle of the night, I went into the bathroom, dropped trow, and had a moving experience. I felt my body relax as it rid itself of all the toxins I had consumed of the night. There was something odd about it all though. Oh well, back to bed.

An hour or so later, sitll in complete darkness, I sprung up out of my sleep like a vampire rising out of the coffin. "What did I just do??"

I went into the bathroom and with complete hesitation, I turned on the light. There, staring at me, laughing, was a perfectly swirly poop ---- in the sink! "OH MY GOD!!!" I wrapped my hands in toilet paper and scooped out the massive turd into the toilet. It tooks several trips and many more handfulls of toilet paper to clean out the sink.

After I hid any evidence of my masterpiece, I went to the couch and went back to bed, never to tell Sam what had happened in her bathroom for 6 years.

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