Saturday, January 15, 2005

Free Bird

I am officially single. Wednesday night, I drove out to Jim's mom's house (where he's staying) to drop off his guitar. I left the box of other things still in my car. Jim was hanging out in the back bedroom watching tv, shoeless. As I greeted him, there was no hug, no kiss, just a strained 'I haven't seen you in over a month' akwardness. When I told him that I also had more stuff in the car, he asked "Are you tying to tell me something?"

I just shrugged my shoulders and he sighed.

I brought in the box and sat on the bed with Jim while his parents watched tv in the other room.

I told him how I haven't been happy for a long time and he knew that. That this period he was going through was something that he needed to do on his own and I coudn't do it anymore. Plus, I knew that everything coming out of my mouth lately was 'nag, nag, nag', (which he heartily agreed with me) and neither of us wanted to hear that.

It was a calm conversation. It was mature and decent. The most important issue behind my wanting to end the relationship was that I wasn't happy and that Jim wasn't independant. That was made clear and those reasons alone were valid enough for anyone. But I didn't mention my other reasons - but I didn't feel the need to be cruel.

Regardless, neither of us are angry with each other, so I'm sure we'll be talking again in the future. I will miss his son terribly and I will think about him often. But I'm not sad about my decision. I actually feel lighter. Like I can fly.

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