Asheville 2010

I'm not feeling very talkative today. So instead, here's the video of what I did this weekend.

After the dentist

Look at that. I can't stay with one thing for more than 3 says. So much for the 30 days of truth.

But in other news, let it me known that I'm an idiot.

I went to the dentist yesterday to get a cavity filled. My new dentist is awesome and it was actually the best drilling experience (heh... that's what she said) I ever had.

While I was getting drilled (heh heh), I had my own personal tv screen hanging from the ceiling and a set of Bose noise-canceling headphones where I could listen to it. While bits of my teeth were flying in my mouth, I was enjoying Zoolander and Baby Mama.

When I was all done, half of my face was numb and practically paralyzed. I was laughing when rinsing out my mouth over the sink because the water just fell right out.

I was so amused by my numbness, that I thought I'd share.

Day 03: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Something I have to forgive myself for?

This is a hard one because I either already forgave myself for stuff, or I don't feel like I did anything wrong where I need forgiveness.

Not to say that I'm without fault. I've got plenty. But you can paralyze yourself with things that are wrong with you, or you can say 'to hell with it' and live with it.

As a personal rule, I try not to deliberately cause others pain, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

I remember right after I graduated from college I broke up with my boyfriend of 3+ years. We had our differences: I graduated after 4 years of college, he didn't. I was president of my sorority, his great aspiration was to earn the 'silver keg' award in his fraternity. I went to class and made Dean's List my senior year. He skipped class to sleep off hangovers.

So when I was faced with the thought that I might spend the rest of my life with this person, I said hell no!

I broke up with him sitting on the swing sets in a park. I told him I loved him, but I was sick of his face and we were done. It was pretty harsh.

Classy, I know.

About a year later, I got back in touch with him. I asked him out to dinner for the sole purpose of apologizing of how I handled that situation and for hurting him. I had forgiven myself for that a long time ago -- I knew it was the right thing But I was just getting closure for me. He could have continued to hate me, but he didn't. And my soul felt lighter.

Day 02: Something you love about yourself

This is a much easier post than yesterday's.

I love that I'm not afraid to do things by myself.

It hurts my heart when people say that they can't do things on their own. Whether it be going to the movies, or have a meal at a restaurant. I happen to find it liberating.

Maybe it's because I've spent more of my life single than in a couple. Maybe because I tend to tire of people (see Day 1). But I have never let being on my own stop me from going out and explore what the world has to offer.

I especially like traveling by myself. I've toured through Europe, sailed among the ABC islands, and have taken countless road trips. I love the freedom it brings. I can do what I want, when I want. I decide when to explore and when to sit and rest. I can make friends and share memories or I can people-watch in solitude.

The best part of it all are the adventures that I have. Each wrong turn, each car breakdown, each mishap turns into a story that makes the reunion with my friends and family that much more entertaining.

I can't wait for someone to decide they want to join me. When there's something I want to see, some destination I want to visit, I go. If I was waiting for someone else, chances are I'd be waiting a long time.

And I don't want to waste my time.

Day 01: Something you hate about yourself.

Is it arrogant to say that there isn't a whole lot that I hate about myself?

I mean there are things I don't like, the number on the scale, the split ends of my hair, that one zit that keeps coming back... But hate?

I don't like how when I tire of something, even if only for a little while, I tend to shut it out. This can be for anything: a task at work that I need to do, the dishes in my sink, or even sometimes with friendships.

Hmm... let me explore that friendship thing more.

I don't think I have ever had a problem being by myself. Not really a loner, but I didn't feel that I needed to be entertained by someone all the time. Even now, I genuinely enjoy the time that I have alone, but I also enjoy time spent with friends.

But sometimes I just don't have anything so say. I don't want to make small talk about your dog, your kids, the last movie you saw or what you had for dinner. Sometimes I'm content to just sit in silence, reading my book or walking my dog. Instead of saying "I just need some alone time", I'll just shut down, turn uninterested and be quiet.

And it really has nothing to do with the other person. Not usually. But sometimes my aloofness just comes across wrong and the friendship begins to stagnate. Its happened a few times.

Then there are friends who get it, who get me. Who understand that you don't need to be in each others lives every second, every day, recounting the events of the moment. When that text, or email, phone call or visit happens, it's because I genuinely want to catch up and be a part of your life again. Not because its from a sense of obligation.

I don't really like that sometimes my sense of independence shuts me out of some people's lives. But given the alternative, that there's some need to be paid attention to all the time, I'll take what I got.

30 Days of Truth

There's an internet meme that's been going around: 30 Days of Truth.

Given that I haven't had much writing inspiration, I think I'll give this a try. I never know how long I last doing stuff. My 365 Photo project stalled in May. But still, it's something to work towards.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Saturday Night Special: Off Leash

What do you do when you have time to kill at work? Look at Awkward Family Pet Photos.
What do you do when you see this?

Laugh your ass off.

What's that noise

A mystery solved.

Drama-Free Girls Club

I have been extremely lucky to have met a group of women who's company I enjoy and where I fit in nicely.

This past weekend I spent at the beach with 10 women in one beach house. What was great is that we all got along, with no drama.

We are all, except for one, transplants to North Carolina and the group formed out of a MeetUp group whose purpose was to simply meet new people. This splinter group formed because they bonded outside the random happy hour meetup.

I think it's difficult as you get older to find good friends; those who are like minded, intelligent, independent free-thinkers.

We rented a 6-room beach house at Nags Head, NC for a few days. The house was really great: across the street from the beach, hot tub, pool and a good floor plan that allowed us to hang out together as well as find secluded places when we needed alone time.
I am so thankful for being accepted into this group. It has made my conversion as a North Carolinian much more easier.

Today's Horoscope

If you've been struggling with a relationship for a little while now, today could be a turning point. It's hard to say why something shifts between two people, but one of those tension-easing changes is poised to take place. Take a deep breath and you might even notice that the difference isn't so much in them, or in your duo's dynamic; it's more like a shift is taking place within you. So go ahead and try again with this person. You'll both be glad you did.

This comes at an interesting time. I've been thinking about Charles lately. Not that I want him back, or that I'm so angry at him, or any real heavy emotion at all. I was thinking more about the intensity we had and the fun and excitement we shared. It's that I missed. Not longingly, but just the thought of it made me smile.

So yesterday I sent him an email. Just to let him know that I don't have any ill-feelings toward him, and to thank him for bringing me out here because I really do like it here. And finally that I hoped he was doing well.

I think I sent it more for me. Sending that forgiveness out there made me feel better.

I think it's strange how quickly things, emotions can change. I don't know what shifted in him to make him want to leave me. But I knew the moment I stopped loving him -- the moment I drove out of the driveway for the last time.

Pooping in style

My bathroom, in addition to my cool-ass shower curtain, has beautiful Key West watercolor paintings, wooden frog & lizard thingys and a super-awesome metal gecko to make me smile as I'm pooping.

More like home

My photos are finally starting to be hung on the wall making my apartment feel more like my home. I still have a lot more photos of my travels to be hung, but this is a good start.

I'm a hero!

And you can be one too. Make your own superhero avatar!

Hungover Owls

Owls are cute. Hungover owls are even cuter.

This is my new favorite site.

Hungover Owls

Labor Day Weekend

I had a great Labor Day weekend here in Raleigh. It was full of activities that made me appreciate all that I have around me.

Friday was First Friday in Raleigh. It's an art celebration on the first Friday of each month. I love it because not only to art galleries participate, but local businesses turn into galleries as well to showcase local artists as well as their products. I picked up a cute necklace and wore it proudly the rest of the evening.

Among the cobblestone streets of Moore Square you can also find musical artists to entertain you. This band had the crowd dancing in the streets, myself included.



Saturday afternoon I joined a MeetUp group to go horseback riding at Dead Broke Farm in northwest Raleigh. There was a group of 12 people, some who hadn't rode a horse in 15 years (like me) and others who never rode a horse at all.

It was a slow trail ride. Quite boring actually, with all the stopping and starting. I was getting annoyed by two newbies who had no idea what they were doing. One woman kept screaming practically every time her horse moved. She sucked. Then this other guy -- this very large man on an equally large horse -- tried to reason with his horse when it wandered into the woods. "Why must you go into the woods?" I thought that if he actually held the reigns and steered his horse he'd get better results.

My horse, Keeper was a sweetie. Except that he/she (?) kept turning its head to nibble on my foot. I wasn't sure if it liked me or hated me.

There were a few cool people in the group. Afterward we went to a local bar for some beers and burgers. A good way to end off the afternoon.

Sunday was mainly spent running errands, but I hung out with new friends that night. We ate pitas and hummus and drank wine on the deck in Durham while we watched the dogs run around. I did not bring Barry. He's kind of an ass and I wasn't in the mood to babysit my dog.

Monday was the best day of all. The weather was gorgeous. Just right for a baseball game. Since I came to North Carolina, I knew I had to go see a Durham Bulls game. Bull Durham is one of my favorite movies and I needed to go and pay homage.

The ballpark was beautiful and my seats were right behind first base, a few levels up. It was a long game -- about 3 hours. But the Bulls finally won 6-5 in the 12th inning.

A great end to a great day to an even greater weekend.

A clean dog

Maybe I'm not the only one who likes my shower curtain. Barry seems to have taken a liking to it, too.

I don't know what's so appealing about sitting in the bathtub for him.

But it's obviously something he enjoys.

My new place

It has been two weeks since my fairy tale ended and I moved into my new apartment.

I swear to God, I think it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm not sad, and I'm not even angry anymore at Charles. Honestly, I feel a lot of...nothing. I may have come to North Carolina for Charles, but I'm staying for me.

Image by bearclau via FlickrMy apartment is slowly coming together. I finally get to make the place I'm living in my own. That was one of the problems with moving into Charles' house. It was still very much his and there wasn't a lot of 'me' represented. It wasn't until my last week there that I actually got a space carved out for me, which was my own desk and bookshelf. That's now with me.

The first thing I got was this fun and bright shower curtain and matching yellow and green towels. This just screams FUN to me and it makes me smile every time I come into my bathroom. (My bathroom, by the way. One that I don't have to share with people who don't believe in hanging up towels after a shower.)

Image by bearclau via FlickrMy kitchen is much smaller than my townhouse and storage is limited. So I guess it's a good thing that I got rid of most of my stuff before I moved down here. (insert sarcasm). However, for reasons I can't explain, my 6 foot surfboard, that I never use, has traveled with me since I first moved out of my parents' house when I was 25 years old.

That surfboard now has a new home above my kitchen cabinets. I like it.

Let's not forget the pool! AND I have a gym -- which I actually go to.
Yes, life definitely does not suck.

A new me

It's official, I'm now a citizen of North Carolina.

This is actually my second NC drivers license. You know, because the first one had an address that I no longer live at.

But that's ok because I like where I am now. A lot!

Landing on my feet

Let your natural smarts and intuition be your guide today, especially when dealing with relationships. For the next few days, you can see more deeply beneath the surface to what's happening on another level, which gives you a kind of sixth sense when observing personal interactions. With this kind of thinking, you can open your mind and strengthen your bonds. It's a great opportunity, so seize it! -- today's horoscope

Even in the strangest of circumstances, I have always had the ability to turn things around and ultimately land on my feet. However, right now I'm dealing with my world turning upside-down and I really hope those feline instincts kick in.

On my 37th birthday, just 3 months ago, I put my house in New Jersey on the market to move to North Carolina. I was going to live with my boyfriend, an amazing man who I met a month and a half earlier on vacation and who I thought would be 'the one'.

Last week I was asked to move out. According to him, his ex-wife was threatening to sue for custody of the kids because living in sin was not a good environment. In three days, I had found an apartment, signed a lease, and moved in. I had thought that this was a good thing. I truly believed that going from long-distance relationship to living together was just too much of a strain and that by me having my own place, we could go back to dating and being normal.

It's never good when you get a text saying 'we have to talk'.

I went to his house and knocked on the door. I still had a key, but I thought that would be rude to let myself in. When he didn't answer right away, I cleared out the remaining things I had in the garage. When he did finally answer the door, I got the last of my things from the hall closet. When I had it all gathered, I turned to him.

"What? What do you have to tell me?"

"I think its pretty obvious. We haven't been getting along to well these last few days."

Um, you think it could be because you made me leave??

There was so much I wanted to yell and scream. But really, what's the point. If he didn't want to be with me, then I wasn't going to beg.

"So who really kicked me out? You or [her]?"

"Both."

Ouch.

So I learned what a coward he really is.

And I can pick myself up, turn this around, and continue on with my adventure. Because that's what life is really about, right?

Thrown under the bus

I get my own apartment tomorrow. Not because I want to, but because I was made to. It sucks having your life turned upside down unexpectedly.

But on the plus side, I get a sweet pool with the apartment, free cable/HBO, washer/dryer, gym. And Barry comes to live with me!!