Barry's Theme

Replay: 5/19/06

Here's a post from almost exactly 6 years ago. 

ouch!

I have just witnessed that speaking solely for the sake of speaking doesn't necissarily make you look like you know what you're talking about. Sometimes silence shows wisdom.

When the client says to me straight out in a meeting, "I trust you.", over the business managers on both project teams, it means a lot. If I was my manager, I would have taken that harshly.

Master Class

Yesterday was the last episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show. I didn't watch it and I don't have DVR. But I hope it exists somewhere online.

Instead I watched the Master Class series by Oprah and many of the things she said resonated with me.

"I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."
-William Ernest Henley

She talked about the poem 'Invictus' and the last two lines talked to me. When I had done what others expected of me, it never really felt genuine. But when I do what my gut tells me to do, I feel complete. Sometimes it makes me feel powerful, and other times it makes me feel like I'm being selfish or insensitive.

But last week my mom filled me in on some family gossip about how family member going through a divorce and moving away. She was so overwhelmed and felt helpless because she never really had do do anything on her own. She had always lived with her parents, and at 64, continues to do so.

After this drama story my mom was proud of me that I never had to really lean on her and my dad for support. She was glad that I was independent and able to take care of myself. Especially with the drama of moving here, leaving Charles and building my own life, I could feel how thankful she was that she raised someone who could stand on her own feet and not break down when times got hard.

There is no luck without you being prepared to handle that moment of opportunity. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for the moment that is to come." — Oprah 

I have always lived with the notion that I wouldn't change anything that had happened in my life. Every thing led me here and made me who I am. And I like who I am.  I have often felt like a floating feather, just waiting to see where the breeze will take me. It's in those floating moments is when I question "what do I want to do with my life? What direction will I go?" And when I land, it's normally on something good. Or at least something that I can learn from. And then another breeze will come and take me away again.

Lately I feel that I have more control over the direction the breeze takes me. I don't know if its from age, or experience or from finally starting to listen to the voice inside me. But it's an interesting feeling.

"I say the universe speaks to us, always, first in whispers. And a whisper in your life usually feels like 'hmm, that's odd.' Or, 'hmm, that doesn't make any sense.' Or, 'hmm, is that right?' It's that subtle. And if you don't pay attention to the whisper, it gets louder and louder and louder. I say it's like getting thumped upside the head. If you don't pay attention to that, it's like getting a brick upside your head. You don't pay attention to that—the brick wall falls down. That is the pattern that I see in my life and so many other people's lives. And so, I ask people, 'What are the whispers? What's whispering to you now?'" — Oprah

 I've been wondering about my purpose. I know that I'm good at looking at the big picture and breaking it down into manageable chunks.I can translate complex ideas into simple concepts. And I can share those ideas clearly. This is why I enjoy the work I do as an instructional designer. I can be creative and use my problem solving skills and create something tangible that can be useful to someone else.

There is something bigger for me out there, something I'm supposed to immerse myself in. Not because I have to, but because it is something I want to do. I'm starting to discover what that might be. I might be standing right on the edge of it, or I might only be starting on the path to take me there, but I know it's out there and that I'm finally pointing in the right direction.

Today's Horoscope

Skip the staid, business side of things today. Instead, focus on the creative aspects of your life. Listening to music, cooking up an ambitious meal or even dancing around your bedroom is a great way to liven up the day and improve your mood. Creating something new is easier than ever, so don't be surprised if a tune pops into your head and refuses to leave, or if your mindless doodling results in some breathtaking images. All your inner ideas are itching to come out. 

I'm loving this horoscope today because I already know it's true.

I haven't been very inspired at work recently because I haven't had a chance to use my creativity. But I have been getting my creative fix in other ways.

I just created a new website for my alumnae association.

And I'm very excited to be helping my friend launch her new business by working on her website and social media marketing plan.

This feels really great to do. Feels like I'm fulfilling my purpose, something I think I've been lacking for quite a while.

Birthday Weekend

What a year it has been!

Just one year ago, I was signing away my home to move 500 miles away and live with a man I had just met.

This year I celebrated my 38th birthday among friends in a new place that I love. The changes are vast, but nothing that I would have any differently.

Saturday, my old friend and college sister threw a party for me and her husband. We were born on the same day. I shared cupcakes with her two boys.

Well, her three boys, I guess.

Then the adults came and we had plenty of burgers, beers and various other treats that made me go off my diet for the day.

The next morning, after a breakfast of birthday cake and coffee, I got ready for celebration number two.

I got to spend time with my new Carolina friends at a brunch. It was a multi-celebration. Kim got her degree, my birthday and Katie is launching her own cooking class/catering business.

I am keenly aware at how blessed I truly am.

Proof: I'm annoying

Apparently I'm pretty average on being picky and arrogant, but I can get pretty irritating.

Yes, I'd say that was accurate.

I am an asshole, you know.

A year of self-improvement

My birthday is only a few days away.

Last year on my birthday, I put my house in New Jersey up for sale. I spent the entire year taking an exciting risk: on romance, on job, on life. Two out of three ain't bad.

This year I think I'll do another year-long kind of project. Except this time the focus will be on self-improvement. I've already started reading some books that I've found very interesting and has changed my outlook on how I communicate with others.

The next step in this self-improvement journey is getting myself healthy again. For that, I signed up for Weight Watchers Online. I don't want to go to a meeting. I like being able to just log into my management tool, either online or through my iPhone app and keep track on my points and activity. It's only day two, but I think I could make a habit of it. And I like the challenge of staying within my points. It makes me start to reevaluate whether I want that extra scoop of sugar in my coffee.

The third step that I think I'll tackle this year is defining my purpose. This will need its own post someday, but lately I've been feeling lacking a goal, something to strive for that's unrelated to work. I have ideas -- actually several -- but I'm hesitant to move forward because I'm not sure if they'll make the impact that I'm hoping for.

Turning 37 was exciting and proof of my independence. I wonder what turning 38 has in store.

Spam-tastic

I've been ranting a lot lately. If not here, then I've been tormenting a friend with the nonsense that drives me up a wall.

Today's rant is about email spam from co-workers.

For some reason, some of the unfunny people in my company thinks its he-la-er-us to send an email using the department alias address with some stupid little inside joke.

I get it. I determine its stupid. I delete it.

Then within the next 3 minutes, I get about 15 audio chimes indicating that I have new mail. Every single one is a reply to all with asinine things like:

lol.

hahahha

No, but she thought she was!

“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”

OH MY GOD!!!

I get it that they're trying to create some fun environment even though the group is split between east coast and west coast (east coast, represent!) But I don't care!

I've written about a hundred responses with "STOP SPAMMING THIS ADDRESS WITH YOUR STUPIDITY!". But I stopped myself and just hit delete each time. Not because I'm nice, because I've already confessed to being an asshole.

I stop because I would just be replicating the exact behavior that I abhor.

And I'm better than that. Actually, I'm better than all of them. (insert snarkiness)


Update:

I couldn't help myself. I caved in and sent my own response:

coffee wars

I got into work this morning without my cup of coffee at home because I had run out of milk. When I got to the coffee room, only a pot of decaf had been made.

So I started brewing a pot of regular coffee and walked back to my desk to start up my laptop. When I got back, the pot was empty.

And no one started another one.

Fuckers!

So now I'm starting a second pot of coffee, and also a third, because when I go back there, there better be some damn coffee waiting for me.

If this any indication that my day will be spent taking care of everyone else's shit, I'm ready to go back home. right now.

Pina Colada Cake

I was inspired by Cinco de Mayo.

It was my turn to host the monthly Bunko party last night. It was May 4th, and had I been clever enough, I would have done a Star Wars theme. But I flaked and took the easy way out and celebrated the Mexican St. Patrick's Day of Cinco de Mayo.

Really, the only difference between the two is that we drink margaritas and eat tacos rather than drink green beer and corned beef and hash.


I worked from home that day so I could scrub my toilet, whisk up the dog hair all over my couch, do some grocery shopping, cooking and baking of my newly invented dessert, my pina colada cake.

I'm sure I really didn't invent this. It was just coconut cake mix with vanilla icing. Coconut shreds were sprinkled on top and topped with pineapple slices and cherries. But it was so damn good that I was worried that it might not make it to the party without an obvious chunk of it missing.

This ain't no movie

I woke up this morning and checked Facebook and read update upon update about the death of Osama bin Laden. I didn't really have much of a reaction.

Meh.

Don't get me wrong, he's a bad guy. But I don't really see how his death will really make a difference.

There were video of people in the streets, wearing US flags and cheering "USA, USA" as if they were just a part of the covert military operation of the Navy Seals to bring Osama down. People were declaring this an historic moment and justice served.

But is is really?

Loved ones are still gone. Many more innocents were taken. And the removal of one person who is only part of the cancerous terrorist groups will not make much of a dent, in my opinion. There will still be extremism and fighting, death and destruction and all the cheering and singing in the world won't stop it.

I'd like to think that this Hollywood-style kiss-assery will bring about a happy ending, but that only happens in the movies. The credits don't roll, the story continues on. This united American patriotism will last only as long as the next proposed healthcare budget, and those that struggle every day just to find shelter and food for their families will continue to do so.

So while this may be a big deal to some, to me its just another day.