Morning ritual

When I get into work, I usually like to take 30 minutes to ease into the environment. This involves logging into my computer, reading work email, reading personal email, catching up on my RSS feeds and CNN, checking in with Facebook and Twitter and maybe getting something to drink.

I will do my pleasant "good mornings" to my cube-neighbors, but I basically want to take my time and get into my day. I want to enjoy the semi-solitude that comes with being a contractor.

But my new friend seems to have a different approach in the morning. Today, I hadn't even put my bag down on my counter when I start to get the update on her project, her last conference call, how the client is crazy and now once tight deadlines are flexible as they decide to add additional content into her project and basically introduce scope creep.

Ugh. I would like to say "it's not my problem. And actually, it's not your's either. Let your PM handle the client", but I don't. Instead I listen with half an ear and go about my morning ritual, offering comments where I can but secretly hoping that she'll notice that I'm preoccupied at the moment and let me take a breather.

I can only hope.

Today's Horoscope

If you can't get enough, don't worry -- it looks like your supply is unlimited! In fact, with such huge piles of fun and thrills available, you ought to put out a general notice to your people to come on out and join in. No one can get a party going quite like you, and right now, that talent is cranked up to eleven by your hard-partying energy. Get the word out by any means necessary.

I am so happy about this horoscope. This weekend my college friend Kristen and her whole family will be coming to visit me in NC. She is in the middle of a crazy international road trip (they crossed over into Canada) and will be stopping in Raleigh on their way back home to Houston.

Kristen, with her husband and 2 daughters, will be my first visitors here and I am so excited! I can't wait to hear all about their road trip adventures and introduce her to Charles and see my new home. I'm most looking forward to chilling on the screened-in porch, chatting over beers as we watch the sunset over the pond. I imagine the guys will be in the garage, checking out the Harley and talking shit. And I'm sure the girls will be exploring around the pond.

I'm already relaxed just thinking about it.

Home sweet home

I am only a few days from closing on the sale of my house. The process has been really smooth and so far (knock on wood) everything is on track to happen on time. I will breathe a big sigh of relief when the check is in my hand and I can deposit it in the bank.

With the profit, I will be able to be completely debt free. I will feel a million pounds lighter.

Charles wants to get on this bandwagon too, so we've been talking about selling his home and looking for a new place of our own together. As much as I love the land that his home is on, I can't help but be excited about this too.

The first step is putting the house in our names. Yes, I said our names. The title is currently in his mother's name and with some events that took place in his family's lives lately, he feels its important to officially take his mom's name off the title. So we will buy the home for the remainder of what is owed on the mortgage, which is substantially less than what the house is worth.

Then we need to get a Realtor to check out the home to get a sense of what the market value would be. This is going to allow us to figure out what the price range for our new house will be.

Last night we were checking out homes online to see what's available in certain areas. We were getting so excited that we decided to drive out to one of them to check out the neighborhood. We learned quickly that neighborhoods and subdivisions change significantly from one block to the next. And a pretty home isn't all that pretty in the long run when you have a crappy trailer park around the corner.

So the search is on, for a Realtor, for an area to focus on, for a price range. We know what we want: 4 bedrooms, 3 baths, large open kitchen, less than 10 years old, 1 acre of land, preferably a porch. The home is out there. We just need to find it.

Its funny when it's not me

I am not a fan of Sarah Palin, her politics, her lifestyle or much else about her.

But I think its supremely shitty when your teenage daughter announces her engagement through a gossip magazine rather than to you. And you have to respond via a public statement to the media.

I mean really, what kind of fucked up family do you need to have?

Strong like bull

My new job has a very casual work environment. It's not uncommon to see people stroll by in t-shirts, shorts and flip flops. I don't think I could ever go that casual, but nice to know that its at least an option.

Another perk about working here is free access to the gym. Even as a contractor I can use it. Which is great because I need to do something. Charles is pretty fit, and while he makes me feel like a sexy rockstar, I know the reality.

So yesterday I went to the gym for my initial fitness assessment. I was poked and prodded by Allison, this cute little pixie originally from Alabama. I hopped on the scale (I reminded Allison to allow 10 pounds for shoes), I was pinched with the body fat calipers, I had my blood pressure and heart rate measured. Then I did 3 minutes of step-ups and had my heart rate measured again. Finally I did as many pushups as I could (25), as many crunches that I can do in one minute (47) and a flexibility test.



So I am 'strong like bull', but I need work everywhere else.

My goals will be to exercise regularly on the treadmill, elliptical or bicycle. At least 30 minutes for 3 days a week. Another goal is to cook more at home. I have been doing a lot of fast-food/restaurant eating. While its been convenient and enjoyable, it hasn't been doing much for my ass.


On the plus side, I do have some pretty strong muscles hiding under my layer of 28% body fat. I think I just need to remind them how to work and hopefully they can start pulling their weight again (har de har).

Biker chick

Charles came home with a new toy the other day. His pretty little Harley Davidson 2010 Dyna something-or-other. I don't have to really know what it is. It's black, shiny and looks really damn sweet.

We went riding among the windy, and wooded back roads that gave way to open fields, farm houses and bright red barns. I held on to Charles' hips and had to try to keep my mouth closed from smiling too hard. Don't want the extra protein of a bug flying in my mouth.

I'm still getting used to riding. He needs to put a backrest on for me so I won't feel like I'll slide off, and I need a more comfortable seat so my butt doesn't break, but it's a pretty cool feeling holding on to Charles and feeling the wind and the world rush by.

I could get used to this.

Financial crisis

It's been a rough year, financially. When I ended my contract gig and got hired full-time earlier this year I knew there would be a decrease in take-home pay. But I didn't realize that I would actually be losing money by working full-time.

Well, that full-time gig is over and I'm back to doing contract work again. To me, there is no real difference. I still get benefits. I still get direct deposit. I still report directly to my client/manager. I still do a job.

For the first time in about a month, I will finally be getting a paycheck again. I can't wait.

I've been living off credit cards and my checking account. I even had to dip into my money market account. But I haven't been starving and I even had a chance to get some vacation time in.

But I'm ready to see those red lines disappear and get myself back into the green. And with the sale of my house pending (knock on wood, cross your fingers, say a little prayer), all those nagging debt monsters can finally disappear.

August 1st is the start of my new financial freedom.

Let freedom ring.

New work home

I've been at my new job for 3 days. It doesn't suck. It actually has potential.

More to come...

The big move

It's official. I'm now in North Carolina.

This weekend was the final packing. I drove back to NJ Friday just in time for a party down in Manasquan at my friend's shore house. Beers, fireworks and a chill time.

The next two days was filled with activities of emptying out my house before closing at the end of the month. I don't want to have to come back up to NJ quickly to do any rush stuff, so to keep everyone's sanity, I decided to rent a storage unit and lock up whatever I didn't need immediately. This saved my parent's and me the hassle of carting stuff back to their basement, and saved Charles and I the stress of a weekend of driving, packing and driving. Now with my items safely stored, I can concentrate on my new job and my new life.

Green thumb

Image by bearclau via Flickr

Poison Ivy
Originally uploaded by bearclau

I thought the feeling of invincibility only lasted during your teenage years?

Last week, I decided to get busy on some yardwork at my new home. There was a patch of overgrown shrubs in the driveway turn-around area. There were masses of weeds and ivy that were suffocating the small azalea bushes that were just trying to hang on.

So I wore my floppy sun-hat and a pair of gardening gloves and started to pull up all the crap.

"Be careful, there's some poison ivy in there", Charles warned from the garage.

"Bah! I don't see any poison ivy." I thought back to my Girl Scout days when my handbook identified poison ivy as shiny leaves rimmed in red that were in clusters of threes.

This is what I was thinking of:


But apparently it doesn't always look like this.

So in a manic zeal of trying to be useful, I pulled at weeds, tore apart vines that grew among the shrubs, wiped away sweat with my (unknowingly tainted) gardening gloves and proudly displayed a 6 foot vine and root that I pulled from the ground, as if it was a prize fish freshly caught.

The results of my ineptitude did not reveal itself until the next day. There was some mild redness, a little itchiness. But we were on our way to driving to Disney World. I didn't have time to spend worrying about my itchy arms. So I picked up some cortisone and we were off.

A week later, my arms, and now chest and sides, are bearing the brunt of my stupidity.

Yes, that was poison ivy. No, I will not be doing any more 'gardening' in weedy areas anymore. Lesson learned.

Bad Dog

Barry has not been a good house guest. While I was in NJ 2 weeks ago, I got a text from Charles with this picture.

Charles was on the receiving end of Barry's mouth and got a puncture wound. (!) Needless to say that Charles was not happy and Barry became an outside dog from that point on. Actually, he's no longer invited to stay here.

This is crushing to me. Imagine picking up your life and starting over in a new place and the only constant thing, your dog who has been your best friend for 5 years is now no longer the family pet who gets to hang out on the edge of the bed. But he's the invited house guest who has to live outside, like an animal, until I can bring him back to New Jersey to my parents' house.

I won't lie. I cried a lot knowing that my friend fucked up his chances of living with me in my new home. I don't know what will be the ending to this chapter of the story. My parent's won't keep him forever. I will likely have to find him a new home.

Keep your fingers crossed

Today I handed in my work laptop and completed my exit interview. On the way home I got a call from my Raleigh recruiter about setting up a WebEx interview with one of her clients tomorrow.

I also signed the contract for the accepted offer on my house. The offer price was within the range of what I wanted to accept and the closing date is July 30. If all this goes well, I will have a tremendous emotional and financial weight lifted off my shoulders.

So far, things are going well. But I won't be so bold as to not accept any wishes of luck, silent prayers directed my way or some general good thoughts. Every little bit helps, right?

Today's Horoscope

You're in a restless, and no matter where you are, there's someplace else you'd rather be. While you might ordinarily be able to distract yourself until you can find a practical way to get out, you're unwilling to waste a moment now. Cut to the chase -- announce to one and all that you've got someplace to be, and get yourself there. It's time for the next step on your journey.

Again, this is a very fitting horoscope for me today. It's my last day of work today. And ever since I announced that I was leaving, my mind has been quickly shutting off. I've been focused on other things, selling my house, packing my stuff, settling in my new home, you know-- basic life stuff.

I know I should be getting concerned about the no work/mortgage due situation. But right now, I just can't. If I worry about it today or tomorrow, it will still be there. But in the meantime I'm enjoying every moment that I spend with Charles as he helps me get familiar with my new surroundings.

I met with a recruiter in Raleigh Wednesday morning which went well. I got a call from another person at a bank asking me to submit my resume for an instructional designer position with them. So at least there's some activity on the job front. That's encouraging enough to me to make me want to take a nap in the middle of the afternoon instead of spending 2 hours scouring the online job boards.

I feel extremely blessed/lucky/grateful about how my life has been lately. Its as if all those wishes after years of blowing out the candles on my birthday cake are finally coming true.

Home sweet home

Barry seems to be adjusting to his new home quite nicely.

Skydiving

I've taken quite a leap. I upped my end date at work from June 25 to June 11. As in next Friday.

I did it because my billable work is slowing down and I felt really guilty hanging around with nothing (that I wanted) to do. I could work on some of the personal project/development-building stuff, but I no longer had the excitement for it. I was concentrating on packing my things, selling my house, settling in North Carolina, looking for work. Finishing out three more weeks of my current job just seems so mundane.

Sunday I'm packing some clothes and the dog in my car and driving down to NC for the week. I'll be back in NJ for the final move at the end of the month. While I'm there I'll do some things around the house, get familiarized with my surroundings, introduce the dogs to each other. Hopefully I go on some interviews.

But that's the exciting thing. I don't have a job lined up. My paychecks will stop coming in and my bills will continue to come. I'll have to pay for my health insurance.

I feel like I'm jumping out of a plane and crossing my fingers that my parachute will actually open. And I feel OK.

I think its because this is part of my adventure. I'm finally living one of those Springsteen songs where the guy and girl take off down that highway because 'its a town full of losers and I'm pulling out of here to win'. This is my shot as something amazing. And I won't be doing it alone.

(Flickr photo by dollie_mixtures)

The cost of employment

I just took a close look at my finances and had to do a double-take. Since I've been working full time at my job I have been losing almost $1000 a month!

My expenses have been fairly consistent over the past 9 months, except for a holiday spike, so it's not like I've been spending more. Even when I take into account my road trip in March, there's nothing really extravagant that I spent money on.

Yet making the move from contractor to full time crippled me financially. Sure I got the benefits of medical, dental, 401K, vacation, holidays. But holy crap does it come with a price! Over $20/hour difference (if I did my math correctly).

As much as I liked the job and the opportunity to grow my career, I realize that I just can't afford to work there. So it's a really good thing that I've decided to move to North Carolina. I just hope my house sells soon so I can get rid of my major expenses (mortgage, student loans, car). Then the cost of living at a lower rate/salary for the Raleigh area won't be such a strain on my wallet.

Shedding my skin

It's funny to me just how much my priorities have shifted these past few weeks. Or at least how I spend my time.

I don't watch TV much anymore. My Netflix subscription is practically useless. I have 4 DVDs sitting idle in a box. Books have been sitting in a pile and my journal is getting lonely.

I look around at the things that have accumulated in my house these past six years and wonder how they all got there? That glass pelican with a fish in its belly? Where did that come from? I know I didn't buy it.

As I pack up my belongings, I'm taking swift actions to get rid of the things that weigh me down, that have no value to me, that just take up space. I look at things that have fostered solo activities and consider their usefulness. Do I really want to spend hours making candles, or scrapbooking? No.

Because I no longer have to think of my life in the "I" sense. I can now look at it as "we". And it's not that I'm shedding my identity for the sake of someone else, but I'm allowing it to morph into something that allows for someone else to share some space.

And that feels really good.

(Flickr photo by brutalbrianax)

Turning 37

Life has been moving in high gear. But not too fast that I haven't had time to appreciate it.

I'm now 37 years old. I'm old enough to realize that the things that are most important to you are worth fighting for. And young enough to realize that you're never to old to dream.

The day after my birthday, I walked in the Walk Now for Autism Speaks event in South Jersey. I was the team captain and tried to recruit my sorority sisters -- both alums and collegiate members -- to walk with me. I guess I should be surprised that only three other alums and two collegians showed up, but I really wasn't. I'm just really happy that I didn't try to do anything extravagant for my team.

I won't count dressing up as my sorority mascot as extravagant. That was fun.

I had always wanted to be a character at Disney World. Today I got to fulfill a small part of it. I gave high-fives to kids and passed out balloons. I posed in pictures and had a really fun time being a big kid.

That evening my family had a party for me. I broke the news that I put my house on the market and that I was moving in with Charles in North Carolina. I was glad he was there with me. Not only would it show to my family that I was serious about this, but it would give them more chances to get to know Charles and realize just how great a man he is.

I got some expected questions:

• Where are you going to live? (with Charles)
• When are you leaving? (by the end of June)
• What about Barry? (He's coming with me)
• What does he do for a living? (runs his own home improvement company)
• How old are his daughters? (15 and 12)
• Have you met them? (I met his oldest daughter)
• What are you going to do for work? (I'll become a contractor for my current employer. If that doesn't work, then I'll find a job in Raleigh. If not, then I'll just be a kept woman.)

It turned out to be a really nice evening. There was no weirdness. My aunts and cousins were genuinely excited for me and the adventures I have in store. I pretty much got the 'thumbs up' on Charles. He fit in the family well and wasn't shy at all.

Sunday was a work day for Charles and I. We removed unnecessary furniture, spackled and painted, packed, cleaned and got the house ready for the market. It was a long, tiring day. Charles wanted to make sure that he got to do all the big jobs before he flew back home Monday morning. I had time for small packing and staging, but not too much. I was flying back down to NC Wednesday night and had to make sure everything was ready before then.

The best part is discovering how well we work together. We were a team. And when Charles got tired and hungry and cranky, I was still able to pick him up, find him food at my Mom's kitchen, and turn him human again. :)

This has been the best birthday ever.

The next step

Image by bearclau via Flickr

I would have never imagined the turn my life would take when I drove down to Key West.

In just two months I have found the man I have waited my life for, I fell in love and am following my heart to North Carolina. To stay.

My New Jersey townhouse goes on the market Thursday. My first open house is Sunday. All this will be going on while Charles and I frolic at his mountain house near Boone, NC. While people are wandering my hallway, peeking into cabinets and criticizing my paint color choices, I will be hiking, horseback riding and star-gazing in the Blue Ridge Mountains.

About a month ago we talked about the direction we were heading in -- forward: me in North Carolina. We knew we wanted to be together and we weren't concerned about timelines or the quickness of it all. But when I was at the airport last week waiting for my flight back to Jersey the futility of plane tickets and extended airport parking hit us. Why are we doing this?

We had come to a point where we ask ourselves. Is this for real? Do we see a real future here? And if yes, then what will waiting a year, six months, six weeks really accomplish?

Through my tears I asked Charles, "what do you want me to do?"

"I want you to call a Realtor this week."

Monday afternoon I sent Charles a text. "We have an appointment with a Realtor Thursday."

"YES!!"

I knew I'd be selling my house to go and live with him. I didn't know that I would be doing it so soon. But the great thing is that I'm not scared. I'm excited to go and start my new adventures with this man who loves me. And I have no doubt in my mind that he does. Its not overwhelming or smothering, but energizing and comforting.

Friday, on my 37th birthday, I signed the contract with the Realtor. Charles sat next to me as I held the pen, grinning because he knew the big step we were taking together. He came up to visit me for my birthday, and now was looking forward to a few days of cleaning, painting, fixing, and packing.



Slowly my home is become less mine and turning into something that looks like it belongs on an HGTV show. And I couldn't be happier!

2010: So far

I was just looking at the photos I've added to my 365 Project set on Flickr. I'd say its a pretty good year so far.