Vacation: Day Five

I've been totally lame and not posting, but whatever. I'm on vacation. I am mad at myself for not even journaling because I am going to forget the ridiculous things that has happened so far.

Most of it has been stupid 'in the moment' things that us cousins will probably only find funny. There's been a lot of laughing, and drinking and swimming and more laughing. But there's also been plenty of drama. I attribute that to the merging of families and the stress that goes along with that.

But my Blackberry isn't working here and it's pissing me off. No phone service, no text message, no nothing.

Off to get some dinner.

More later.

Vacation: Day One

I’ve been up since 5am. It’s now 7:42 am. I didn’t go to bed until 1am last night. Do you see where this is going?

I’m at JFK airport waiting to board my plane to Puerto Rico. There’s a family wedding there tonight. I was at a family wedding in NJ last night. I’m already all wedding’ed out.

I love to travel, but I hate… let me repeat. I HATE the whole check in process.

I arrive to the airport curbside, loaded up with luggage, backpack, dive bag, two parents, aunt & uncle and a million other clueless passengers. Already, there’s a line out on the curb for curbside checkin. Inside is another line weaved in and out among chaos.

Being in an airport changes you. It turns normally sensible, logical people into babbling idiots. It turns me, a normally sweet, thoughtful and caring person (Mike, stop laughing) into a raging, homicidal maniac. I want to kill every stupid person next to me, in front of me, behind me, who breathes the wrong way or asks a stupid question like, “What do you mean I have to show my boarding pass?”

The security check in line is the worst. Security is a stupid name to call it, because the yahoos who work there look like they just got off their night shift at McDonald’s.

There was one woman who had to keep going through the metal detector because she kept setting it off. I wanted to smack her. First off with the shoes, then the belt, then the change in the pocket. “Your earrings!!” I yelled to her as she went through the third time, holding up everyone waiting behind her – like me. Finally she made it through without setting it off and I clapped.

I can see my stuff already through the x-ray machine, laptop sitting on the conveyor belt vulnerable. I just want to get through so I can claim it before someone else does.

Now that I’m through and on the other side of the gate I can breathe a little easier. I’m starving and dehydrated, but the first thing I spot is a free internet hot-spot and the addicted cyber-geek in me practically drools and my first instinct is to blog rather than find some sustenance. Sad, I know.

I’ll be on my plane in about an hour. I’m still waiting for my cousin Christine and her family to arrive. Her parents are already here and waiting for her at check in. Me, I just have to keep my cool, read some cheesy magazines and listen to my iPod. It will be a long week. I’ll keep you posted.

My doppelganger

Me in cartoon land.
Make your own at
www.faceyourmanga.com

Do we look like 80's groupies?

Last night Viv and I went to see Poison play at the PNC Arts Center in Homdel, NJ. The people watching there was awesome. We saw plenty of aged rockers who looked like they partied hard in the 80's. Women who might have been hot once, now were victims of gravity, cheese steaks and hair dye. But that didn't stop one woman from pouring herself into a red leather strapless dress that barely held her in.

Sebastian Bach from Skid Row and Dokken both opened up for Poison. Neither of them were anywhere near their vocal range from their heyday. I was in the food court while Sebastian was on stage. All I heard was screaming. We went up on the lawn to watch Dokken, but I was pretty disappointed when Don didn't hit the high notes/screams that he was known for.

Finally the lights went down and Poison took the stage at around 9:00. Musically, and lyrically the are not Grammy contenders. Even time had taken a toll on Brett's good looks. He was looking a little haggard and bloated. Poor, Brett.

CC Deville was a silly, little maniac. He pranced around on stage with his glittery guitar, checked his hair in his mirror, and egged on the audience for more cheering. That clown is all ego, but he held up the best out of all the band mates.

The show itself was pretty short. Only an hour, fifteen minutes in total. CC Deville had a guitar solo and Rikki Rocket had his drum solo which took about 10 to 15 minutes out of actual band play time.

But what they did play was fun, eternal adolescent stuff. I was brought back to junior high when my jeans were tight, my hair was high and I would be caught dead without my studded belt and feather earrings on.

It was a naive time then. Singing about "in the old man's Ford; behind the bushes; till I'm screaming for more-more-more" was just that. Just singing. Love only lasted as long as a hook up in the closet at a party and the only worries were who was going to win MTV's Friday Night Video Fights and making sure that Billy Warner didn't get my note where I told my best friend that he was cute.

Sometimes I wish I was fourteen again.

a typical conversation: part 6

I was looking for the seat height adjuster on Mike's chair to make his seat go down.

Mike: My thing is broken. It doesn't work anymore.

Me: That's what she said...

(as I was walking away)

Thank you, goodnight! Try the veal...

80's Flashback

In preparation for tomorrow's Poison concert, here's a picture of me when I sang Dokken's "In My Dreams" during my 8th grade talent show in 1987.

You gotta love the feathered hair and fringe jeans.

Internet Meme Timeline

Dipity created this awesome Meme timeline. Normally songs and smells bring me back to a specific memory, but now you can think about where you were when the first South Park Spirit of Christmas cartoon circulated the web in 1996. Ah... such good times.

a typical IM conversation

Steve: ok, enough office bashing for today

Steve: I feel like a jerk!

me: you should. i'm telling

Steve: now I will punch YOU

me: no. because i have on my protective cloak with a shield charm

Steve: a shield charm

Steve: I would punch the shield charm RIGHT THROUGH YOU!

me: no, my pet unicorn will trample you and impale you with its horn

Steve: I would break the horn of the uni-horn and stab it to death with it

Steve: stumped you didn't i

Steve: (totally)

Steve: ha!

Steve: sucker!

me: no because my doppelganger will throw things at you for ever until you die

Steve: I will dangle your doppelganger from the roof by her toenails while I bludgeon you with your own dog.... then I will do it again to your doppelganger and say "this was so much fun. Why didn't I think of this before!?"

me: no because i will punch you

Routine

I came across this post about finding ways to reclaim your time from the barrage of things that suck up hours of the day. I was most interested in the first item on the list.

Take a time out. Freeing up your time starts with taking a step back to take a good look at your life. You need to block off at least an hour. Several hours or half a day is better. A whole day would be awesome. A weekend would be even more ideal, though not necessary practical for many folks. With this block of time, take a look at your life with some perspective. Is it what you’ve always wanted? How would you get to where you’ve always wanted to be? What do you enjoy doing, but don’t have enough time to do? What things actually fill up your day? Are there things you could drop or minimize to make more time? We’ll look at some of these things in the following items, but it starts with taking a time out to think and plan.

Let's look at the things that occupy my day:

• Let Barry out, then go back to sleep for 30 minutes. As Barry eats breakfast, I either lounge in bed for those last precious minutes, watch tv or lately, do some pilates.
• Take Barry for his morning walk.
• Shower and get ready for work.
• Drive 30 minutes to work.
• Eat breakfast, read personal emails, comics, news, blogs, links, and gossip with coworkers. By 9:00 - 9:15 ish the work day begins.
• For the next 8 hours I hop between reading/writing emails, updating content in courses, editing graphics, chatting with Mike and Steve, internet surfing, eating, phone calls, meetings...
• 30 minute drive home.
• Let Barry out and feed him.
• Make dinner, eat and watch the news on tv.
• 7:00pm take Barry for his hour long walk.
• From 8 to 10 I'm online again either doing homework or blogging/surfing/reading.
• By 10 pm I'm in bed reading a book until I fall asleep.

Hmm... not a very exciting life now that I'm taking a closer look at it. Maybe instead of school, I should take up juggling.

Stony Brook Farm

This past Saturday, my family converged in upstate New York at my cousin's country home, Stony Brook Farm. It's a beautiful home that's perfect for hosting and entertaining plenty of guests.

I drove up there with my brother and Barry through a crazy rain that I thought would never let up. Finally we arrived and was amazed at all the new construction and landscaping that was done since last year. The most fun additions were a pond and a pool on their 42 acres of land.

The pond was warm and soon it was full of kids and adults and even my dog as we enjoyed the rare opportunity for some cooling off in the waterin' hole. The mud squished between my toes along the bottom. There were diving contests off the rocks. Frogs croaked along the banks. All I needed was an inner tube raft and a beer.

There was also some excitement. Ryan locked his keys in the trunk of his car and had to call AAA to unlock the car. It was quite an event as we all cheered on the porch as the rescue truck drove down the driveway. Poor Ryan, he's not even in the family yet but he gets as much crap as anyone else. He had to put up with being the butt of the jokes for the rest of the day. But at least he's the star of his own video.

Family gatherings are always special. They don't need to be fancy, just as long as there's food, everyone's happy. What's really wonderful is how the cousins have grown up so close and now the new generation of cousins get to experience the same closeness that we have. They will always know that their family will be there to turn to for laughs and for comfort.

I feel very lucky to have the family that I do. I know I don't tell them that often enough.

See the photo slideshow.

The Big Read

I completely lifted this post from another blog, but right now I can't remember where from.
The Big Read, an initiative by the National Endowment for the Arts, has estimated that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they’ve printed (though the list seems to be missing #44 and #51, and I couldn't find it at the website). How do you rank? I read 24 books on the list.

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34. Emma - Jane Austen
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40. Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

More Meeting Notes

Either I have ADD, or meetings need to be more purposeful.

Don't Stop Googling My Twitter

I was killing time at work this afternoon and decided to Google my online handle. I was amazed at just what results came up: Twitter posts, posts on blogs, blog comments, my name on other people's blogs. And most amazingly, a lot of my photos that I have hosted on Flickr have been used in online presentations, articles, and travel sites all over!

Here are my photos:

• on a Chicago travel site
• used in a slide show (slide #68)
• on a Huey Lewis artist site
• a stock photo aggregation site
• in a hotel review
• on a wiki type page
• a Philadelphia travel site
• a consumer advocate site
• on a Tampa travel page and on their iPhone app page
  

A few reporters have even found me through my photos on Flickr.

The first time was in March 2007, when a Wall Street Journal reporter was doing a story on VIP only areas of exclusive vacation hotels. She found this photo of me lounging in the infinity pool of the El Conquistador Hotel in Puerto Rico. First she sent me questions over email and then she called me for a phone interview. You can read the final article Class Warfare at the Infinity Pool. I was even quoted!

At the El Conquistador Resort in Puerto Rico, Claudine Caro infiltrated the infinity pool during her four-night stay last August. The pool is meant for use by guests of Las Casitas Village, a small complex adjacent to the main building. (There, current peak-season room rates start at $269 a night -- about $40 more than a room in the main resort. One-bedrooms start at $485.) Ms. Caro, a 33-year-old in South Brunswick, N.J., who develops educational courses for a pharmaceutical company, and her cousin visited the pool twice around dinnertime, when there weren't any attendants around. "We walked in like we owned the place," she says.

After my 15 minutes of fame were up from that, I got another 15 minutes. CNN was preparing a series of stories of road trips, and being that I just finished my Laid-Off Blues road trip, I sent in my story. Not only was it featured in a CNN iReport piece, I was interviewed again over the phone and they developed a multimedia slide show with me narrating!



It blows my mind how this crazy thing called the internet, which I dove into head first in 1995, now chronicles my life in ways I could never have imagined. In some ways, its a little frightening and I do need to be aware of what I'm putting out there, but for the most part, it makes the world a much smaller place.

What I do when no one is listening

Barry is my friend. And being my friend, he gets special treats that only a real friend would get. He gets his own songs sung for him in his honor.

My made-up songs are usually sung to the tune of commonly-known diddies, often using variations of Barry's name (Barry Fuzznoze, Barry Dog) and some activity, usually smelling his butt.

So today I will enlighten you with some more songs to get stuck in your head.

(Sung to the tune of "You Are My Sunshine")

You are my fuzznose, my Barry Fuzznose
You are so fuzzy, I like your nose
You never know, nose
How much I know, nose
How you like to smell your butt.

(Sung to the tune of the "Oscar Mayer Bologna" song)

My Barry has a first name, it's B-A-R-R-Y
My Barry has a second name it's F-U-Z-Z-nose
I like to squish him every day
And if you ask me why I'll say
That Barry Fuzznose has a way
Of smelling his butt every day

(sung to the tune of the "Lone Ranger Theme")

Barry dog, Barry dog, Barry dog dog dog
Barry dog, Barry dog, Barry dog dog dog
Barry dog, Barry dog, Barry dog dog dog
Yooou are a Barry dog.

Meeting notes

These were my 'notes' from the last project manager meeting at work.

My namesakes

On my way into work this morning, a blast from the past song came up on my iPod. Samantha Fox's "I Wannna Have Some Fun". Come on, you remember her, the English model/singer from the late 80's.

Well hearing that song brings up memories of a tidbit of silly information on me.

I had gone to CCD, which is like Sunday school, except it was on Saturday morning. It was pretty much a social event since you got to hang out with your friends from school for an hour on the weekend. You stated in first grade and went all the way through to 8th grade where it all culminated with Confirmation, where you receive the sacrament of the Holy Spirit.

The best part about Confirmation was that you got to choose your Confirmation name. I didn't have a middle name so I thought it would be cool to finally get one. And it was all my choice!

Typically you would select a proper Christian name from the Bible. Friends had chose Mary, Elizabeth, Theresa. Not me. I chose Samantha. I wanted a rock star middle name and at that time, the coolest slut was Samantha Fox. (Lita Ford was also an option, but 'Lita' just didn't sound right with my name.)

Not to ignore my first name, it also has a story.

My dad was a fan of Claudine Longet, a popular singer/actress/dancer from Paris of the 60's and 70's. She was married to Andy Williams and later dated skier "Spider" Sabich. She was later arrested for 'accidentally' killing Spider by shooting him in the back, but was acquitted because of mishandling of evidence and other police blunders. She then later married her defense lawyer who left his wife and children to be with her.

So there you have it, folks. I'm named after a homicidal beauty home-wrecker and a bimbo slut.

Where does your name come from?

Single Rage

Have you ever been so infuriated that you wanted to straddle some guys neck just so you could pummel him in the face multiple times?

This weekend I was with my cousin at her boyfriend's house, hanging out at a family BBQ before we went off to see "The Dark Knight". I had met the family before at the Superbowl party. They were warm, welcoming and pretty cool so I had no insecurities about being there. I did notice that the boyfriend's brother paid extra attention to me. I could actually feel him looking at me. It was not a reciprocal feeling on my end.

We were sitting around the table eating when The Brother overhears me telling my cousin about my date the next day.

"You don't have a boyfriend? You're single?"

"Yup."

"Why? You're a nice looking girl."

"Um, I don't know. "

"Even been married before?"

"Nope."

"Really? What's wrong with you?!"

Oh. My. God. AREYOUFUCKINGKIDDINGME?

The rage begins with a fire in my chest quickly radiating out to my extremities actually causing my fists to flex. I quickly had to reel it in because I was a guest and I didn't want to embarrass my cousin.

This guy... this F'n GUY, is most likely someone who would give you the shirt off his back to help you. He's probably really sweet once you get to know him. He probably thought it was some sort of back-handed compliment or his perverse method of flirting. But I only met him once and on the surface, he mainly comes off as a jackass.

And really, fuck him! Divorced (I think) father of one who wouldn't be hurt by eating a salad once in a while. His love life isn't one for a Hollywood happy-ever-after story.

I had to coolly respond, "What makes you think that there's some problem with ME that I'm single?"

I think he saw how ferocious I was and the conversation was dropped. He also (wisely) decided to not go to the movies with us as originally planned.

So really? What's up with that question?

I've heard it often enough from distant aunts "you can't wait forever... what are you waiting for?...you're not getting any younger..." Each time it gets responded with a gritted smile and giggle but the rage is there. The last time I lost it and said "Well, I've never been married, therefore I've never been divorced and I consider that a pretty good thing," to my divorced aunt. Whatever. Screw her.

I don't necessarily like being single, but I'll take it any day over settling for some ho-hum guy just so I can say that I'm not alone. And I hate having to defend that to family and ass-clowns who think they're trying to be cute.

Today's Horoscope

You know, the universe doesn't always care if you're looking for romance or not. Some days (like today), you just get a big ol' dose of flirtatious energy. Consider yourself lucky to be blessed like this, and start using that energy! Smile at as many cuties as you can -- and maybe at some not-so-cuties, too! You're all about making other people feel good, which in turn will make you feel good, too. Blow kisses to grumpy-looking folks and watch their frown turn upside down.

What a very appropriate horoscope today as I HAVE A DATE! And while I am interested in getting to know the person I'm meeting, I'm just more excited to be back in circulation (so to speak) and to have the universe smiling on me today.

Wish me luck.

a typical conversation: part 5

Mike is talking to Steve, who can't hear because his headphones are in.

Me: You need a trajectory object to throw at him.

Mike: I'll throw my balls at him.

(He meant his golf balls trophy that he had hanging on the wall.)

Talking Crap

I was so happy when I got home today and found a package waiting for me at my front door. Skim had sent me a present and imagine how excited I was when I opened it up to find "What's Your Poo Telling You?" by Josh Richman and Anish Sheth, M.D. Thank you, Skim! I love it.

Yes, poop stories make me laugh. My poop, your poop, the dog's poop, even strangers' poop. It's the one thing that all living things have in common, so why not laugh about it. In fact, if you want to laugh, here's the funniest poop story I have ever read. Even thinking about it now makes me laugh out loud.

Anyway, now with my new book, I will be able to always have some blog fodder to share with you even when I've run out of things to say.

For example, here's one interesting nugget of information:

On a trip to Vienna, the White House flew in a special presidential crapper so that President George W. Bush's crap could be collected and disposed of in a secure manner. Secret Service agents capture Presidential Poo in order to prevent foreign intelligence agencies from collecting health information about the commander in chief's health. Governmental agencies, including the US CIA and the Israeli Mossad, have used this approach to gain valuable information on the health status of world leaders such as Mikhail Gorbachev and former Syrian President Hafez al-Assad.

So looks like the writers of Scrubs were right when they said to "check the poo".